I just discovered a new retro Tiki band called...

Cherry Capri and the Thurston Howlies.

"Your cocktail hour
has a new soundtrack..."

"She is the daughter of the brilliant chemist and teacher Professor Roy Hinkley, Jr. and movie star Ginger Grant who were stranded on this island for fourteen years."

"To avoid scandal, little Cherry was wrapped in a pair of pink capri pants (donated by close girlfriend Mary Ann) and set in a bamboo basket in the ocean with an SOS note. The basket eventually set shore on...Zuma beach where Cherry was discovered and raised by a bunch of wild surfers..."

2:42 PM

Boy, the San Francisco Chronicle really hated Team America.

"[T]he point of view is one of cultivated, self-satisfied ignorance, a reflexive blanket mockery not based on knowledge and therefore without insight.

"At best intermittently funny, it's mainly an unbearably stupid waste of time."

That's the whole review.

8:52 PM

"Ready or not, computers are coming to the people," announced Rolling Stone magazine of [the PARC Research Center] in 1972, describing this as "maybe the best news since psychedelics."

Ah, so true.

I'm reading a history of the research center...

8:45 PM

Hooray! An online personality from the geek perspective!

This one answers the question: "Which file extension are you?"

And....yes!!!!!! I came out as.....

5:01 PM

Peter Jennings, the anchor of ABC Nightly News, was asked by the Kansas City Star about how Jon Stewart and The Daily Show report on the news.

"Their take on it is fabulous," Jennings said, "and is reminiscent of how we talk in the newsroom but don't put on the air."

4:37 PM

I just saw a great clip where Jon Stewart, back on the Daily Show, talks about his recent appearance on Crossfire.

I told them that I felt their show was hurting America.
And they came back at me pretty good.
They said that I wasn't being funny.

And I said to them...I know that.
But tomorrow, I will go back to being funny.
And your show will still blow.

8:56 PM

My spam has gotten poetic...

B;uy meds for 8O% 1ess than in regular st0re
Or;der H;ere
As on the Land while here the Ocean gains,
As of someone gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.

--Christina

6:18 AM

Roger Ebert didn't like Team America. But his partner Richard Roeper did, calling it...

"The best R-rated puppet movie I've ever seen."

6:50 PM

Wearing a black shirt, a restrained yet angry Jon Stewart confronts the hosts of CNN's Crossfire.

I made a special effort to come on the show today because I have privately, amongst my friends and also in occasional newspapers and television shows, mentioned this show as being...bad.

And I wanted to -- I felt that that wasn't fair and I should come here and tell you that I don't -- it's not so much that it's bad, as it's hurting America.

So I wanted to come here today and say... Here's just what I wanted to tell you guys. Stop. Stop, stop, stop, stop hurting America...

I'm here to confront you, because we need help from the media and they're hurting us....

You're doing theater when you should be doing debate.

The clearly uncomfortable hosts try to snap Stewart out of his seriousness. But Jon's not having it...

Tucker Carlson: Be funny.

Jon Stewart: No. I'm not going to be your monkey.

Stewart's critique? He packed it all into his answer to a question from the audience.

Q: Why do you think it's hard or difficult or impossible for politicians to answer a straight, simple question?

STEWART: I don't think it's hard. I just think that nobody holds their feet to the fire to do it. So they don't have to.

Ken Layne has found the video.

"Yes, everybody knows CrossFire and O'Reilly and Hardball and basically every hour of U.S. cable or broadcast news is unfettered crap. But when does somebody get to say it on one of those crappy programs?"

9:08 PM

Joel Veitch promises new movie fun...

Chinchilla Mayhem!

These little guys just burst in and started banging out MF From Hell by the Datsuns. They're taking the fight to the kittens alright. They're a bit sweary, mind. They RAWK, and they RAWK HARD.

Here's a little snippet of life at Iggy Pop's Ocelot Shop.

And here are a couple of Teddy Bears having a hectic balloony adventure.

4:37 PM

Wee-A-Boo.

Andy - from Waxy.org - discovered this great new comic strip. It's called The Perry Bible Fellowship.

UPDATE: I'm now Google's #1 match for the word: Wee-a-boo.
And, the only match...

10:36 PM

The wacky web animator behind Quiznos' "We like the Subs" commercial has struck again.

"Hardcore biker kitten."

Another series of videos shows two more adorable kittens asking that musical question...

"I'm glad that I'm not soluble."

And, for an encore, "The Fishy Song".

Kittens! Music! Fish!

1:17 PM

Words of wisdom from my friend Mike.

I admit I had been watching World Poker Tour for a while, until I was brought up short by Bill Maher:

"New Rule: If you spend time watching other people play cards on television, you need a new hobby."

3:51 PM

"I would have to say...that 90 percent of the things that strange men have offered me I've said no to."

Ah, but the other 10%...

They were the scandalous sex-for-money antics chronicled in the "Washingtonienne" web-log that cost Senate intern Jessica Cutler her job.

Now she's being interviewed by Playboy.com.

"I don't think I'm unique. I'm young, I date around, I'm looking to have fun...."

Playboy.com: What would people be most surprised to know about life inside the Beltway?

Jessica Cutler: People like to pretend that money and looks don't matter, but they do. It's supposed to be a big meritocracy, but people here are just as shallow as anywhere else.

Playboy.com: Where's the craziest place you've ever had sex?

Jessica:On the Mall, but that was before 9/11 and all the security. A lot of people still get away with it.

You can see Playboy photos of Jessica Cutler here.

And naked Playboy photos of Jessica Cutler here.

"Attention Interns: If you work as an intern...and you are interested in posing for Playboy....."

12:15 AM

Another great moment in high school sports, starring future Beach Boy Dennis Wilson.

In Dennis's sophomore year his wrestling coach catches him smoking a cigarette...

The coach put Dennis in his car, drove him back to Hawthorne High, and made him run ten laps on the athletic field.

For the rest of the year the coach made him repeat those laps each day, saying, "If you're gonna smoke, you're gonna run!" Dennis refused to stop smoking, however, and went on to do well in a championship meet, quitting the team in triumph.

"The running paid off, I guess," Dennis said to a teammate later.

"But I'll never quit smoking."

Don't miss "Great High School Sports Moments Starring the Beach Boys - Part I".

Both stories from "The Nearest Faraway Place: Brian Wilson, the Beach Boys, and the Southern California Experience" by Timothy White.

10:55 PM

Peter Gilstrap is one of my favorite writers.

During his time at an alternative newsweekly, he created the beloved pop-culture web sites "Jesus of the Week", as well as "It Crawled from the Record Bins," which describe Gilstrap's laughably bad record-store finds.

For instance, this one.

I challenge anybody out there to find a record scarier than Charlie the Hamster Sings the Ten Commandments.

Why an all-knowing God didn't deliver an 11th commandment stating that people should never be allowed to make records of hamsters singing the previous Ten Commandments I'll never know...

2:04 PM

"What happened?"
"I ran into a fence post, and I think I was knocked out."

The bumbling kidnappers of Frank Sinatra Jr. are remembered in a remarkable article by Peter Gilstrap.

Watch what happens when accomplice Joe Irwin calls the Chevron station where they were going to issue their ransom instructions.

"Is Frank Sinatra there?" The Chevron man answers -- "No!" Click.

Irwin calls back a second time. "Is Frank Sinatra there?"

The Chevron man: "Listen buddy, I'm working on a car, I don't have time to play around. Don't call again!"

Irwin calls a third time. "Is Frank Sinatra there?"

Chevron man: "Listen, pal. Mr. Sinatra is not in the habit of taking his calls at this Chevron station!"

Seconds after he hangs up, a black car peels into the station, brakes screeching to a halt. The passenger door is flung open, a man bounds out, brilliant blue eyes ablaze. He runs up, grabs the slack-jawed attendant by the front of his shirt.

"I'm Frank Sinatra! Have I had any calls?!!"

After being released from prison, kidnapper Barry Keenan became a hugely successful real estate developer.

1:09 PM

It's a sunny Saturday morning, and I'm listening to Jan and Dean's 1966 album "Popsicle".

I'm oddly inspired by the lyrics to "The Restless Surfer"...

I can't settle down
on just one shore.

To ride the wild surf
is what I'm living for.

'cause I hear a voice
deep down inside.
There are other girls, other waves to ride.

Other girls, other waves to ride.

I'm just a guy
with time on my hands.
Surfin' round the world,
seeing other lands.

But I hear a voice
deep down inside.
There are other girls, other waves to ride.

So just like a vagabond,
I rack my board, I travel on.
I've got to see all there is to see.

This wandering in my soul
will carry me to my goal.
Then I'll find my destiny.

Someday I'll find
a girl who will be mine.
Then I'll settle down
in just one town.

'Cause I hear a voice
whispering to me.
There are no more waves,
no more girls to see.

No more waves,
no more girls to see.

Lyrics by surf lyricist Gary Zekely.

12:47 PM

On tonight's episode of That 70s Show, Hyde reacts to discovering his biological father was black...

"My 'fro. My coolness. My suspicion of the man.

This explains so much."

9:44 PM

Duke Ellington's long-lost Broadway musical...

And the man who spent 60 years recreating it.

6:30 PM

Great moments from the high school life of future Beach Boy Brian Wilson.

Today's episode: his glorious stint as a third-string football quarterback.

During a game in the middle of the 1959 season, Brian was knocked unconscious in a vicious sacking.

Revived after thirty seconds, he got to his feet, said "I'll see you, coach!" and quit on the spot...

Bonus highlights from Brian's run in the track team's long-distance race.

Brian and [friend] Keith Lent ...slowly allowed themselves to be passed, and then dropped behind until out of sight. Brian and Keith stole away to a diner, had a bite, then slipped in beside the stragglers before the last leg of the race, Brian coming from behind to take the trophy.

From "The Nearest Faraway Place: Brian Wilson, the Beach Boys, and the Southern California Experience" by Timothy White.

10:38 PM

"okay, now I've REALLY made the best web page ever!" says Luke.

"I normally don't like pickles," one viewer replies, "but this one's different!"

7:39 AM

That 70s Show fans - take heart!

Not only am I Google's #1 match for the phrase "Who is Hyde's Father"...

I'm the only match!

Though it's not quite as cool as "Slut land"...

6:20 AM

Wanna visit Slut Land?

You just did. If you type "Slut Land" into Google, this page is your #1 match.

Even though I've never used the word "slut." (Er, until now.) Google's excerpt catches me talking about: Jem and the Holograms.

What I did was talk - very tastefully - about Senate intern Jessica Cutler. The 25-year-old had kept an online diary of her sex life titled "Washingtonienne".

People linking to my blog tagged her with the unflattering word.

Please enjoy your visit to Destinyland: the sluttiest blog on earth.

9:42 AM

Vanity Fair's James Wolcott writes that Mel Gibson "began to harden and coarsen into something Hollywood-horrible long before he became controversial for The Passion."

Calling Braveheart, The Patriot, and Passion "a trilogy of brutal assertion and cinematic triumphalism," Wolcott turns to Paparazzi - only to offer pity to its star, Tom Sizemore.

"[E]ven someone who's made a mess of his life deserves better than playing the heavy in Mel Gibson's murderous wet dream."

2:43 PM

Let's check out today's headlines! Huh? What the...

Pupils object to Destiny's day

Destiny vows to move on as protest mars birthday

Oh.

"A protest challenging Destiny Church's apparent homophobic stance marred the church's celebration of its first birthday yesterday at Wellington High School..."

Didn't even know I had a church!

12:05 PM

Saturday night around here is party night. Grandma issues a stern proclamation while I am trying to fix her computer; "Leave that and come watch Lawrence Welk now." While we watch the show Grandpa makes us a series of stiff bourbon and waters and we drink them steadily. Around the time I realize I'm nodding my head and tapping my foot to the beat it comes to me that I must be piss drunk. On the HDTV three gay guys in silver and pink lame space suits are doing a song-and-dance routine about going to the moon. My mouth is twitching in a suppressed smirk, I'm sure that this must be the intro to some gay pr0n that's been spliced into Lawrence Whelk...

Blogger Hot Goat posts a stream-of-consciousness essay about bourbon, Phil Collins, and watching immigrant California farm workers from a train...

11:21 AM

That 70s Show will reveal the mystery to viewers this fall - Who is Hyde's father?

Except everyone on the internet knows already. (SPOILERS! SPOILERS!)

Now apparently the scripts for the next-season episodes are leaking out. Tonight I found the one before Eric and Donna's wedding - with special guest star Mark Hamill.

UPDATE: The site hosting that script is gone. Here's my copy of it.

11:13 PM

The Professor on Gilligan's Island was played by Russell Johnson. Someone's written an interesting essay about his life - and his earlier career roles as cowboy-movie villains - called: "The Professor Wore Black".

He grew up in a a boys' orphanage school in the thick of the Great Depression. Even so, he never lost sight of his goals -- to become an officer, and ultimately, an actor. Johnson celebrated his graduation and his 18th birthday by treating himself to an army hitch. Before long, he was taking part in World War II as an Army Air Corps bombardier...

And here's what he's saying now...

I think, what I love most at this point in time in the LONG LIFE OF GILLIGAN'S ISLAND is the positive, intelligent nature of long time Gilligan aficionados. It amazes me. I have received mail throughout the years from young viewers from all over the world, year after year, who were so influenced by the Professor's smarts that they became science buffs and are now Real Professors, Doctors and Scientists. It makes me proud . . .

7:31 PM

On my answering machine today...

Yeah, hey... This is Russell Johnson, the professor from Gilligan's Island!

And I'm calling to wish you a happy birthday!

I hope you have a great one, and I wish the coming year brings you nothing but joy and laughter, and good health of course.

Anyways, on behalf of myself and Hollywood is calling.com, we wish you all the best.

God bless you, good luck, and have a great day.

Bye bye!

6:14 PM

Jan and Dean's career started when they saw "The Bazoom Girl" -- stripper Jennie Lee -- perform in Los Angeles.

Arnie Ginsburg came by and told us that he broke up with the girl at the Frostee Freeze. But he had found a girl he liked better ...

Jan co-wrote a song about her, and it became a #1 hit in 1958.

They should've called the album: "Jan and Dean meet a Stripper."

11:43 AM

Here's other interesting trivia about Jan and Dean.

• Herb Alpert worked on the first Jan and Dean song.

• A young (and then unknown) Linda McCartney is pictured on the cover of their single "Linda".

• They started their career singing with the Beach Boys. Brian Wilson wrote the first line of "Surf City."

• Jan and Dean once did a cover of "Norwegian Wood."

• On the album Popsicle, they spliced a female voice into the song "Sugar Shack" saying: "I dig your woody."

• Dean went on to design album covers for Chicago, the Turtles, and the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band
  
  

  
  

  11:25 PM

Here's an album title I never thought I'd see.

Jan and Dean meet Batman

Yep. In the 1960s music promoters cross-bred the Batman craze with surfing music to create this kitschy concept album. The fun-loving teens recorded the album just months before Jan's automobile accident.

I still wanna see "Jan and Dean meet a stripper."

11:12 AM

It's The Simpsons versus Brazil - round II...

The Simpson's were criticized in April of 2002 for an episode set in Brazil - by Brazil's Bureau of Tourism. The feral monkeys chasing an orphan sent the wrong message about a country which relies so heavily on tourist dollars, they argued.

The Fox network issued a half-hearted apology - but then started tweaking their scripts to include jokes about Brazil.

In a 2003 episode I just watched, Bart convinces Krusty the Clown to run for Congress. Krusty agrees that this could settle his pesky problems with the government - including an ongoing tussle with the department of immigration. Apparently, they want to deport Krusty's cap-wearing, cigar-smoking monkey back to Brazil!

"His uncle was the head monkey at the Bureau of Tourism..."

Don't miss The Simpsons vs. Brazil - Part I

6:53 PM

More scandalous gossip from Annette Funicello's biography...

• Annette describes visiting Italy in 1962. "The only thing I never got used to was being pinched by men who were total strangers, but I couldn't get too upset about it, since that was their custom."

• Despite all the Beach party movies Annette made, she "always hated the beach. The sea air made my hair frizzy, and as for surfing -- forget it."

• When Annette's young daughter Gina saw a TV ad showing Annette with Frankie Avalon, she asked: "Mommy, is that my daddy? And why does he never come home for dinner?"

Don't miss Annette Funicello confessions Part I, Part II, and especially Part III - "Sleeping with Zorro"

2:22 PM

Film composer Elmer Bernstein died Wednesday. His life and career took an unfortunate turn in the 1950s...

"I wasn't important enough to be blacklisted, so I was put on a gray list," he once said.

Still, major studios refused to hire him, and he resorted to turning out music for low-budget films like "Robot Monster" and "Cat Women of the Moon."

6:14 AM

Cool. I'm Google's #1 match for the phrase "Alien vs. Predator download".

Er, now I feel a little guilty about my practical joke...

6:37 PM

"Finally!!" says the sign in the window... "the new Pam Anderson novel is HERE."

San Francisco gossip columnist Leah Garchik issues a report from A Clean Well-Lighted Place for Books.

"I've been monitoring sales there since then: None."

6:30 AM

Julia Childs was a British spy.

Or, at least, she worked for the OSS handling top secret documents during World War II - in Sri Lanka and China.

The article in "Military Officer" magazine theorizes the freedom and responsibility had a liberating effect on the young woman in 1944.

Years later she recalled her transport ship's mid-Pacific water stop. "We jumped off in Perth, Australia, and promptly hit the bars, then went looking for kangaroos."

Link from KenLayne.com

4:49 PM

MTV required clean words when they hired Wonkette, the dishy Washington gossip columnist. "They made that a clause when I signed the contract," she told the Village Voice.

"[T]he guy was like, 'You know you can't say ass-fucking on television, right?'"

When they offered her the position, she wondered if she was just getting Punk'd.

6:03 AM

"We sure like girls, all kind of girls
From Annie to Veronica,
We like them small or fat or tall,

I wanna play my harmonica."

This gratuitous chipmunk moment comes from the very first album by Alvin and the Chipmunks. (45 years ago - back when they were drawn realistically as actual chipmunks!) David Seville was very upset...

Over on Amazon, a French music critic opines about the group's 1995 career retrospective, "The Very Best of the Chipmunks."

Vraiment irritant!! On dirait que la musique ? ?t? faite avec un clavier Radio Shack! Je ne sais vraiment pas ce que cette merde fait sur un disque... Dire que la compagnie gaspille du papier et du plastique pour imprim? les ''Chips Monk!''.

Hear Dave sing about cherries...

5:59 PM

Okay, so, it's not just a pillow. It's a personal cooling solution using patented "Sooth-Soft Comfort Technology" - a Chillow®.

It was this freakish new word that piqued the blogger at Cardhouse.com. Even his readers are now mocking the site's corpo-hucksterism.

Putting a Chillow® between your legs would not be a prudent method of population control, since, if anything, it would help breed harder, faster, stronger sperms and lead to a generation of children who look up to the Chillow® as a third parent.

But Cardhouse plays even rougher with the new word. He splices it into the lyrics of a song by the Jazz Butchers, in place of the word chicken.

Which came first the Chillow® or the egg?
They get so damn crazy they eat their own legs...

There's Chillow® on your shirt front, greasy and thick
Someone tell the manager the Chillow® is sick...

It took me a while, but I finally caught Chillow-mania after reading Cardhouse's exchange with their smarmy marketer.

"Why does the United States have 10X the GNP of any country in the world? Because of people like us...."

6:27 AM

Avenue Q is like a parody of the Muppets - sometimes, a little raunchy.

Here's a clip of its heart-warming musical number, The Internet is for Porn.

10:46 PM

I enjoyed reading Amazon's reviews of the new DVD for "Jem and the Holograms." (Season 1 and 2.)

Big Hair Rules
It's About 90% Truly Outrageous

We here at Destiny-land were especially excited to learn that Jem's rival band, "The Stingers," had a song called "Destiny."

And, that the band Destiny's Child once, while appearing on a Canadian TV show, sang the theme song to Gem.

It took me a while to find episode lists for the 1986 cartoon. Heh. I just love the cheesy titles...

"Passport to Rock"
"Rock and Roll Express"
"Intrigue at the Indy 500..."

9:21 PM

Quake and Doom are violent video games.

But the 1996 Doom comic book was even more violent.

AHHH! CHAINSAW! THE GREAT COMMUNICATOR!

SWEET CHRISTMAS! BIG-MOUTHED FLOATING THINGIES! IT'S ALWAYS SOMETHING!

The dialogue is laughably bad - and yet it captures the "first-person shooter" game's crazed non-stop action.

"My cause is just...my will is strong...and my gun is very, very, large."

"Uh-oh. I'm radioactive. That can't be good..."

2:08 PM

Have you seen the latest leaked preview of Alien vs. Predator?!?!

The special effects aren't impressive.

2:04 PM

Annette Funicello describes "sleeping with Zorro" at the age of 15.

"Every night I drifted off to sleep hugging his eight-by-ten framed photo to my chest. Afraid I would roll over and break the glass, Mom snuck in every night and gently pried the picture from my arms.

"One night - as my mother predicted - it did crack, and that was the end of my 'sleeping with' Zorro, although I later named a little black spaniel after him...."

Annette got her wish, and the next year appeared on the TV series "Zorro", where she even wielded his famous sword -- "thrusting it into the chest of my no-good fiance and sending him plunging off the side of a ship...."

The episode was titled "The Postponed Wedding."

Annette had her 16th birthday on the set - and Zorro carved his 'Z' into the frosting of the cake.

Don't miss Annette Funicello confessions Part I and Part II.

7:19 PM

This is possibly the most beautiful game I've ever seen. Scarecrows, ravens, and seeds - all in black and white.

And this is possibly the most beautiful animated video I've ever seen. An acoustic version of "Creep" with grey, surreal animations.

Scarecrow game via Mat

10:24 PM

Destiny's pal Mat sees a larger problem in his essay...

"Screw you, Mr. Writer"

6:29 AM

Enreason.com places a job listing for "Discussion Starters".

But watch what happens when someone named "Destiny" tries to pin down their Vice President of Operations Jen Fletcher on what the positions pay!

Now with dancing bananas!

6:25 AM

Crazy! Not only is there a fan site in Turkey about the TV show Friends...

They've actually got transcripts of entire episodes! At least for Season 9 and Season 10.

For instance, "The One With Phoebe's Wedding".

Phoebe: Listen, I need to ask you something. Ok, you know how my step dad's in prison.

Joey: (afraid) Yeah.

Phoebe: Yeah. Well, uhm... listen he was supposed to get a weekend furlough, so he'd come to the wedding tomorrow, but he just called and... uhm... well, apparently stabbing Iceman in the exercise yard just couldn't wait till Monday...

10:32 PM

A funny story about Disney CEO Michael Eisner trying to mingle with the Disneyland staffers from the Jungle Cruise ride.

Eisner broke into a broad and forced smile and said "Hey, that must be a lot of fun! I'd love to be able to drive that boat around all day, making those jokes and shooting at the hippo's like you do!"

And without missing a beat, one of the Jungle Cruise Skippers said "We don't get to shoot at the hippo's anymore sir. They took the guns away three years ago."

5:30 PM

It's fun reading the discussion of why Catwoman failed in the internet newsgroup rec.arts.movies.current-films.

Catwoman failed because it wasn't actually Catwoman. As soon as they changed the character's name from Selina Kyle to Patience Prince it ceased to be Catwoman.

It would be like calling Batman, John DeLong, or Superman, James Tucker or Spider-man, Larry Fields. It ain't right.

6:17 AM

I'm Google's #1 match for the phrase...

Does Jenna Bush need a spanking?

All those words do occur on one of my pages - "Does", "need," "spanking," and "Jenna Bush".

But I was talking about the wild night-life of Washington intern Jessica Cutler!

Who, yes, dated a spanking enthusiast, and was once discussed on the "I Love Jenna Bush" blog...

My review of Shrek 2 is also Google's #4 match for the phrase...

"Not the gumdrop button!"

6:04 PM

McSweeney's ran a funny piece suggesting song titles to follow-up on popular songs.

(Won't You Give Me a Ride Home From) Funkytown?

The Morning That the Lights Came Back On in Georgia

It's become a kind of game now, with bloggers across the net contributing their own follow-up song titles.

So here's mine:

Stacie's Dad has gotten a restraining order

Achey Breaky Pacemaker

Armistice Signed; Right to Party Granted in Perpetuity

Where the Streets Have No Municipal Works Department

This is my pre-emptive strike against your United States of Whatever

Continuar la vida loca

After getting back from San Francisco, I found out I'd just left my heart behind the couch

4:35 PM

Mattel's dirty secret revealed!

After entertaining a 6-year-old girl, a Santa Barbara nanny answers the question "What did your Barbies do?"

"They changed clothes a lot," she replied.

"That's really all Barbies ever do."

9:55 PM

"You don't want to shoot a cop!"
"I'm a woman. I'm used to doing all kinds of things I don't want to do."

So I enjoyed all the subtle feminist statements in Catwoman...

"Cats only come when they feel like it. Not when they're told."

But it's story had nothing to do with the original D.C. comic book. To make its point, the movie replaced Selena Kyle, jewel-fancying burglar and fan of Batman, with the commercial advertising artist for a cosmetics mogul.

"You're just a scared little girl playing dress up...."

1:52 PM

Kirsten Dunst had a complaint when she saw the videogame version of her character in the Spider-Man 2 videogame.

"They made her boobs gigantic."

"I was like, 'Tone down the boobs, please!'"

"It was a little ridiculous..."

6:20 AM

So who is this only-other-known-fan of the Nutty Squirrels? It's the proprietor of "Show and Tell Music."

"This website was created back in '99," his site's description explains, "as a place where I could force my weird record collection on anybody other than my friends.

"God love 'em, but they were through being held captive every time they visited me and I needed to find a new audience."

"Show and Tell got over 25,000 visits in its first two years and I have to say, I'm pretty blown away by that. It's about 24,950 more visits than the collection would have received sitting around here gathering dust in my apartment."

4:50 PM

Hooray! I've found another novelty-music lover who likes "The Nutty Squirrels."

Calling their creators "the happy-hearted hepster team," he writes "This stuff is way-pre-Chipmunks and twice as hip with killer West Coast jazz backgrounds."

"Sometimes I question my emotional maturity when listening to music like this," he adds, "but in moments of clarity I remember that it couldn't matter less."

Click here for Destinyland's original post about the Nutty Squirrels.

4:39 PM

Annette Funicello confessions, Part II.

As the Mickey Mouse Club was growing in popularity, Annette discovered that "for a while one of my brothers was selling my phone number."

Shamelessly lifted from Annette's biography, "A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes."

Want something even steamier? Try Annette Funicello confessions, Part I.

4:10 PM

Cool. I'm Google's #1 match for the phrase...

"Julie is looking for a few good dates."

Yes, I'm "Googen-heiming" again...

4:03 PM

I cried when the kids gave Spiderman his mask back.

"Go get 'em, tiger."

"Isn't it about time somebody saved your life?"

7:09 PM

Cool. I'm also Google's #2 match for the phrase "Animated Blog."

Another site will show you how high Google prioritizes your web page when sorting their search results.

The site generating that "Page Rank" image was discovered here.

10:17 PM

Tim Curry - who played Dr. Frank N. Furter, the sweet transvestite from Transylvania in The Rocky Horror Picture Show - sings on a Walt Disney album.

He adds his own uniqe asides to "The Ballad of Davy Crockett."

Davy, Davy Crockett!
The man knew no fear.

So romantic...!
Just think about all that wilderness.
And nobody had really been there before.
And just him and his gun, and I should think the odd burro, or something.....

10:50 AM

Question: Who sang the following lyrics.

I remember
doing the Time Warp.
Drinking...
those moments when
the blackness would hit me
and the void would be calling...

Answer: The Chipmunks

It's just one of many unlikely covers that Alvin has recorded. There's also a Bob Dylan song. Alvin's handlers probably figured "Mr. Tamborine Man" would appeal to younger audiences with its folky references to "jingle-jangle mornings." But the same album also has him covering Tom Jones' "What's New Pussycat"...

Honestly, when Alvin -- the chipmunk -- leers that the midwest farmers' daughters really make you feel all right - it seems a little unwholesome. At least when he's singing "What's New Pussycat," you can imagine that there's an actual pussycat involved...

The chipmunk voices don't always work. "Twist and Shout" has never sounded so emasculated. And when the chipmunk trio gets to the part where all their voices go higher and higher.....it's frightening. I mean this literally: this album hurt my ears.

And yet, their cover of "This Diamond Ring" is surprisingly good!

Other unusual songs from the Chipmunk catalog...

• "Play that Funky Music, Chipmunk"
  

  (Off the album "Club Chipmunk: The Dance Mixes")
  Windows Media or RealPlayer

  
  
• "Achey Breaky Heart"
  

  (Off the album "Chipmunks in Low Places")
  Windows or RealPlayer

  
  
• "Rocket Man"

  "Alvin? The guys at NASA are very upset. They want their rocket back......"
  

  (Off the album "The A-Files: Alien Songs")
  Windows or RealPlayer

• And the notorious track where Alvin goes nuts and starts gunning down all the studio musicians.

  Windows or RealPlayer
  Okay, it's "Ragtime Cowboy Joe."

  
  

  
  

  10:17 AM

And, yeah, it wasn't even the original Chipmunks singing these songs.

8:54 AM

"Chipmunk Rights" shouts one Amazon reviewer from Tennessee. "These poor chipmunks have been exploited hundreds of times since the early 60s.

"I am sure they are tired of singing stupid songs made by has been 80s artists."

"3 of 4 people found the following review helpful..."

8:52 AM

Batgirl hits middle-age....

8:46 AM

Two guys are having lunch in San Francico.

They look up and see "the PETA Bikini girls wrestling in tofu."

And they're more interested in the fact that they can see Frank Chu, the Market Street crank who carries that crazy hand-lettered sign.

"Impeach Clinton! Impeach Bush! 12 Galaxies Guiltied to a Zegnatronic Rocket Society..."

8:20 AM

So I'm still enjoying this anti-corporate review of Shrek II...

The first Shrek had super-detailed, hard-to-find tie-in action figures from McFarlane Toys. The sequel has mass-produced, bland-looking neon things packed with accessories that literally stink.

An apt analogy when it comes to comparing the films themselves.

Of course, their review drew these comments from readers...

FUCKIN RETARD
ur review doesnt make sense

You, my friend, are the "German Judge" of the Olmypics.

Please stop using the word 'conceit'.

I agree with the guy who asked you to stop saying "conceit."

I love the internet....

To read my own review, click here.

11:42 PM

The reviewer below also answers the question, what do Shrek II and George Bush have in common? "[I]f you thought 'I'm a Believer' was a cheeseball song to use in part one, just wait until you hear...

"'Living la Vida Loca'

"I wish I were kidding. Recall that this song was lame and overplayed by the time it was performed live at George W. Bush's inauguration...."

10:52 PM

Speaking of music, there's also a 1994 avante-garde jazz album that's also called Shrek.

"...eschewing identifiably standard song structures for a blurry continuum of multilayered sounds, skewed rhythms, and extraterrestrial transmissions....just don't look for a melody."

10:44 PM

Shrek 2 gets a working-over from the uber-critics at Film Threat. ("John Cleese...recreates the slightly befuddled old British guy he's been playing since the 1980s, while Julie Andrews frets passably...")

"The soundtrack deserves mention, mostly because its relatively high quality* makes the film itself that much more irritating....if you're capable of picking out decent music for a soundtrack, why put together a cynical, lazily animated cartoon with a hackneyed 'moral' for the film itself?"

"With Shrek 2 DreamWorks Animation continues to build a niche for itself as a solely profit-oriented cartoon studio. Anyone wanting to see well-crafted animated films that don't rely exclusively on making fun of pre-existing material for their jokes should stick with Pixar."

I also thought that soundtrack was great. Nick Cave and Tom Waits as bad-guy piano-men in "The Poison Apple" bar, and especially "Changes" by Butterfly Boucher featuring David Bowie. (And -- "Funkytown.")

Even one reviewer one panning the film conceded "To its credit, however, there are no Smash Mouth songs this time."

They're even playing the new soundtrack now while people wait in line for the Shrek ride at Universal Studios

10:17 PM

In Shrek 2 the voice of the Ugly Stepsister was provided by...

Larry King.

Larry King was also in this summer's re-make of The Stepford Wives. And John Q, Contact, Mad City, Bulworth, The Long Kiss Goodnight, Dave, Enemy of the State, Ghostbusters....

10:05 PM

Couldn't get tickets for Spider-Man 2? How about 18 hours of the 1967 TV cartoon. They've just been released on a 6-DVD set ($50).

"Yes, the episodes where Spidey goes underground and swings past the same stalactite 47 times in a row is there," an Amazon reviewer notes, "but hey,nothing a sugar rush can't make you ignore."

He clinches his argument by invoking the lyrics to that unforgettable theme song. "Does whatever a spider can...."

Season 2 was produced by Ralph "Fritz the Cat" Bakshi, another Amazon reviewer notes...

9:21 PM

Disney just paid sex-diarist "Washingtonienne" $300,000 for the rights to her first book.

It's described as a novel -- called "The Washingtonienne", according to the New York Times. The author will also pose for the November issue of Playboy.

4:35 PM

Yeah I sat next to your cousin, Jared, on the flight back from Myrtle Beach. I wanted to say fuck you back.

Bob.

Ten years of gesturing obscenely at airplanes flying overhead did not go to waste...

So discovers "the Lame King."

He's also successfully robbed an ice cream truck.

7:16 PM

An online conversation I just had with my ex-girlfriend....

Destinyland: I never know what's a good time to call you - so I never call.

Ex-Girl: If it's not a good time, i don't pick up.
Ex-Girl: I just look at the phone and laugh.

Destinyland: So I can call any time I want.

Ex-Girl: yup.

Destinyland: yay!!!

Ex-Girl: except now.
Ex-Girl: or now
Ex-Girl: and not now.

Destinyland: how about now?

Ex-Girl: ok now
Ex-Girl: wait, too late.
Ex-Girl: missed it.

Destinyland: now i don't feel like it anyways.

Ex-Girl: liar.

9:38 PM

More headlines from this online collection of vintage magazine covers...

"Tom Jones Begs Elvis: Go Back To Your Wife, You Belong Together"

"Ann-Margret: Why Men Fear Her, Why Women Hate Her"

"The Wild Party That Haunts Bobby Sherman"

Wait a minute - what kind of wild party would haunt Bobby Sherman?! The answer, apparently, is that his career started when he was asked to sing at a Hollywood party, and then landed himself an agent.

More interesting is this story from a 1998 party held by aging Bobby Sherman fans. "We were all sitting around watching Bobby Sherman videos, and listening to Bobby Sherman music when the phone rang at about 11:15pm and it was him. Bobby Sherman heard about the party and called to talk to all of us...

"It went on for hours."

10:07 AM

47 magazine covers - all with pictures of Ann-Margret.

Now: see if you can find the one with Marty Feldman....

Also entertaining are the headlines from movie star tabloids of yester-year...

"Secrets of the Filthy Rich"
"Is TV Going Nude?"
"Annette reveals: How Far I'll Go Now That I'm Engaged."

9:51 AM

"I don't want a wife from Radio Shack."

I finally saw The Stepford Wives. Frank Oz directed it, so there's several scenes that make you think the movie is more about being gay in conservative America. There's a political rally where the crowd chants "You can't! Stop! Stepford!!!" as The Star-Spangled Banner plays.

It's sung by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, and...er, stop the presses. I'd always assumed Frank Oz was gay after he directed "In and Out." But he tells this interviewer "I was a weird kid. I should've been gay because I listened to a lot of Broadway musicals. I don't know why I'm not gay."

Well, it would've been a surprise from the voice of both Miss Piggy and Ernie's roommate Bert.

My second-favorite line from the movie?

"Anyone have a screw-driver?"

11:30 PM

National Public Radio grills Wonkette about her coverage of the Washingtonienne sex diary, asking did she "destroy this young woman, or are you just giving her her first 15 minutes of fame..."

"She's going to have a...spread in Playboy to show her kids," Wonkette replies, "so--not all of us have that."

8:58 AM

Funny complaints reviewers had about The Stepford Wives.

"[W]hat guy doesn't run a mile from any woman who shows the least interest in wearing a tiara?"

"This film is like me asking a woman out on date. It's trying very hard and seems to be on the verge of success, but it ends in disaster no matter how earnest the approach."

From Salon and Rotten Tomatoes.

5:24 PM

The Stepford Wives is being promoted with a picture of Nicole Kidman...after she's been Stepford-ified...

"That's very frightening," the San Francisco Examiner writes, "more frightening by far than anything the film can come up with. It suggests that we have a kind of Stepford right here in California. It's called Hollywood."

5:10 PM

Shrek 4 has already started production.

Oh, and Shrek 3, too...

3:37 PM

Ronald Reagan quipped "I paid for this microphone" in his 1984 campaign for re-election. And while the line clinched his political fortunes, it turns out...

...he was quoting a 1948 Spencer Tracy movie.

Tom Tomorrow also summarizes an interesting book about a time-traveller trying to stop Reagan from becoming President. By getting him cast as leftist poet Garcia Lorca...

6:33 PM

A fascinating memoir by the LucasArts employee who censored "Maniac Mansion" -- the 1988 computer game -- for its release as a Nintendo game cartridge.

Link via Waxy.org

Should I apologize for this not being about Jessica Cutler?

7:06 PM

Jessica "Washingtonienne" Cutler remembers her Senate job in a British newspaper memoir.

I opened mail all day (which is why you should never bother to write your representatives in government: somebody like me reads your letters). And then I either threw the letters in the garbage or I would make fun of them with co-workers...

And now? She describes herself as a "boy-crazy girl" who arrived in New York City just in time for Fleet Week. Though she concedes she's really there seeking a book deal. ("[W]hich means I will actually have to do some work to make a living.")

But she's still going out every night, according to an email she sent Wonkette, "and every boy I meet wants to do drugs with me and be my new best friend."

Jessica seems to be playing up her bad-girl reputation. Her