I just discovered a new retro Tiki band called...
Cherry Capri and the Thurston
"Your cocktail hour
has a new soundtrack..."
"She is the daughter of the brilliant chemist and teacher Professor Roy
Hinkley, Jr. and movie star Ginger Grant who were stranded on this
island for fourteen years."
"To avoid scandal, little Cherry was wrapped in a pair of pink capri
pants (donated by close girlfriend Mary Ann) and set in a bamboo basket in
the ocean with an SOS note. The basket eventually set shore on...Zuma
beach where Cherry was discovered and raised by a bunch of wild
Boy, the San Francisco Chronicle really hated Team America.
"[T]he point of view is one of cultivated, self-satisfied ignorance, a
reflexive blanket mockery not based on knowledge and therefore without
"At best intermittently funny, it's mainly an
stupid waste of time."
That's the whole review.
"Ready or not, computers are coming to the people," announced
Rolling Stone magazine of [the PARC Research Center] in
1972, describing this as "maybe the best news since psychedelics."
Ah, so true.
a history of the research center...
Hooray! An online personality quiz from the geek perspective!
This one answers the question: "Which file extension are you?"
And....yes!!!!!! I came out as.....
Peter Jennings, the anchor of ABC Nightly News, was asked by
the Kansas City Star
about how Jon Stewart and The Daily Show report on the news.
"Their take on it is fabulous," Jennings said, "and is reminiscent of how
we talk in the newsroom but don't put on the air."
I just saw a
great clip where Jon Stewart, back on the Daily Show, talks
appearance on Crossfire.
I told them that I felt their show was hurting America.
And they came back at me pretty good.
They said that I wasn't being
And I said to them...I know that.
But tomorrow, I will go back to being funny.
And your show will still blow.
My spam has gotten poetic...
B;uy meds for 8O% 1ess than in regular st0re
As on the Land while here the Ocean gains,
As of someone gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
Roger Ebert didn't like Team America. But his partner Richard
Roeper did, calling it...
"The best R-rated puppet movie I've ever seen."
Wearing a black shirt, a restrained yet angry Jon Stewart
the hosts of CNN's Crossfire.
I made a special effort to come on the show today because I have
privately, amongst my friends and also in occasional newspapers and
television shows, mentioned this show as being...bad.
The clearly uncomfortable hosts try to snap Stewart out of his
seriousness. But Jon's not having it...
And I wanted to -- I felt that that wasn't fair and I should come here
and tell you that I don't -- it's not so much that it's bad, as it's
So I wanted to come here today and say... Here's just what I wanted to
tell you guys. Stop. Stop, stop, stop, stop hurting America...
I'm here to confront you, because we need help from the media and they're
You're doing theater when you should be doing debate.
Tucker Carlson: Be funny.
Stewart's critique? He packed it all into his
answer to a question from the audience.
Jon Stewart: No. I'm not going to be your monkey.
Q: Why do you think it's hard or difficult or
impossible for politicians to answer a straight, simple question?
STEWART: I don't think it's hard. I just think that nobody holds
feet to the fire to do it. So they don't have to.
Layne has found the video.
"Yes, everybody knows CrossFire and O'Reilly and Hardball and basically
every hour of U.S. cable or broadcast news is unfettered crap. But when
does somebody get to say it on one of those crappy programs?"
Joel Veitch promises new movie fun...
These little guys just burst in and started banging out MF From Hell by
the Datsuns. They're taking the fight to the kittens alright. They're a
bit sweary, mind. They RAWK, and they RAWK HARD.
Here's a little snippet of
life at Iggy Pop's Ocelot Shop.
And here are a couple of Teddy
Bears having a hectic balloony adventure.
Andy - from Waxy.org - discovered this
great new comic strip. It's called The
Perry Bible Fellowship.
UPDATE: I'm now Google's #1 match for the word: Wee-a-boo.
And, the only match...
The wacky web animator behind Quiznos' "We like the Subs" commercial has
Another series of videos shows two more adorable kittens
asking that musical question...
"I'm glad that I'm not soluble."
And, for an encore, "The
Kittens! Music! Fish!
Words of wisdom from my friend Mike.
I admit I had been watching World Poker Tour for a while, until I was
brought up short by Bill Maher:
"New Rule: If you spend time watching
other people play cards on television, you need a new hobby."
"I would have to say...that 90 percent of the things that strange men have
offered me I've said no to."
Ah, but the other 10%...
They were the scandalous sex-for-money
antics chronicled in
the "Washingtonienne" web-log that cost Senate intern Jessica Cutler
Now she's being interviewed by Playboy.com.
"I don't think I'm unique. I'm young, I date around, I'm looking to have
Playboy.com: What would people be most surprised to know about life
inside the Beltway?
You can see Playboy
photos of Jessica Cutler here.
Jessica Cutler: People like to pretend that money and looks
don't matter, but they do. It's supposed to be a big meritocracy, but people here are
just as shallow as anywhere else.
Playboy.com: Where's the craziest place you've ever had sex?
Jessica:On the Mall, but that was before 9/11 and all the
security. A lot of people still get away with it.
Playboy photos of Jessica Cutler here.
"Attention Interns: If you work as an intern...and you are
posing for Playboy....."
Another great moment in high school sports, starring
future Beach Boy Dennis Wilson.
In Dennis's sophomore year his wrestling coach catches him smoking a
The coach put Dennis in his car, drove him back to Hawthorne High, and
made him run ten laps on the athletic field.
running paid off, I guess," Dennis said to a teammate later.
For the rest of the year
coach made him repeat those laps each day, saying, "If you're gonna smoke,
you're gonna run!" Dennis refused to stop smoking, however, and went
to do well in a championship meet, quitting the team in triumph.
"But I'll never
Don't miss "Great
High School Sports Moments Starring the Beach Boys -
Both stories from "The Nearest Faraway Place: Brian Wilson, the Beach
Boys, and the Southern California Experience" by Timothy White.
Peter Gilstrap is one of my favorite writers.
During his time at an alternative newsweekly, he created the beloved pop-culture web sites "Jesus
of the Week", as well as "It
Crawled from the Record Bins," which describe Gilstrap's
laughably bad record-store finds.
For instance, this
I challenge anybody out there to find a record scarier than Charlie the
Hamster Sings the Ten Commandments.
Why an all-knowing God didn't
an 11th commandment stating that people should never be allowed to make
records of hamsters singing the previous Ten Commandments I'll never
The bumbling kidnappers of Frank Sinatra Jr. are remembered in a
article by Peter Gilstrap.
"I ran into a fence post, and I think I was knocked out."
Watch what happens when accomplice Joe Irwin calls the Chevron station
where they were going to issue their ransom instructions.
"Is Frank Sinatra there?" The
Chevron man answers -- "No!" Click.
Irwin calls back a second time. "Is Frank Sinatra there?"
The Chevron man: "Listen buddy, I'm working on a car, I don't have time to
play around. Don't call again!"
Irwin calls a third time. "Is Frank Sinatra there?"
Chevron man: "Listen, pal. Mr. Sinatra is not in the habit of taking his
calls at this Chevron station!"
Seconds after he hangs up, a black car peels into the station, brakes
screeching to a halt. The passenger door is flung open, a man bounds out,
brilliant blue eyes ablaze. He runs up, grabs the slack-jawed attendant by
the front of his shirt.
"I'm Frank Sinatra! Have I had any calls?!!"
After being released from prison, kidnapper Barry Keenan
hugely successful real estate developer.
It's a sunny Saturday morning, and I'm listening to Jan and Dean's 1966
I'm oddly inspired by the lyrics to "The Restless Surfer"...
I can't settle down
on just one shore.
To ride the wild surf
is what I'm living for.
'cause I hear a voice
deep down inside.
There are other girls, other waves to ride.
Other girls, other waves to ride.
I'm just a guy
with time on my hands.
Surfin' round the world,
seeing other lands.
But I hear a voice
deep down inside.
There are other girls, other waves to ride.
So just like a vagabond,
I rack my board, I travel on.
I've got to see all there is to see.
This wandering in my soul
will carry me to my goal.
Then I'll find my destiny.
Someday I'll find
a girl who will be mine.
Then I'll settle down
in just one town.
'Cause I hear a voice
whispering to me.
There are no more waves,
no more girls to see.
No more waves,
no more girls to see.
Lyrics by surf lyricist Gary Zekely.
On tonight's episode of That 70s Show, Hyde reacts to discovering
father was black...
"My 'fro. My coolness. My suspicion of the man.
This explains so much."
Duke Ellington's long-lost
And the man who spent 60 years recreating it.
Great moments from the high school life of future Beach Boy Brian
Today's episode: his glorious stint as a third-string
During a game in the middle of the 1959 season, Brian was knocked
unconscious in a vicious sacking.
Revived after thirty seconds, he got to
his feet, said "I'll see you, coach!" and quit on the spot...
Bonus highlights from Brian's run in the track team's long-distance
Brian and [friend] Keith Lent ...slowly allowed themselves to be passed,
and then dropped behind until out of sight. Brian and Keith stole away to a diner, had a bite, then slipped in beside
the stragglers before the last leg of the race, Brian coming from behind
to take the trophy.
From "The Nearest Faraway Place: Brian Wilson, the Beach Boys, and the
Southern California Experience" by Timothy White.
"okay, now I've REALLY made the
best web page ever!" says Luke.
"I normally don't like pickles," one viewer replies, "but this one's
That 70s Show fans - take heart!
Not only am I Google's #1 match for the phrase
"Who is Hyde's Father"...
I'm the only
Though it's not quite as cool as "Slut land"...
Wanna visit Slut Land?
You just did. If you type "Slut Land" into Google, this page
is your #1
Even though I've never used the word "slut." (Er, until now.) Google's
excerpt catches me
talking about: Jem
and the Holograms.
What I did was talk - very tastefully - about
Senate intern Jessica
Cutler. The 25-year-old had kept an online diary of her sex life
People linking to my blog tagged
her with the unflattering word.
Please enjoy your visit to Destinyland: the
sluttiest blog on earth.
Vanity Fair's James Wolcott writes
Mel Gibson "began to
harden and coarsen into something Hollywood-horrible
long before he became controversial for The Passion."
Braveheart, The Patriot, and Passion "a trilogy of
brutal assertion and cinematic triumphalism," Wolcott turns to
Paparazzi - only to offer
pity to its star, Tom Sizemore.
"[E]ven someone who's made a
of his life deserves better than playing the heavy in Mel Gibson's
murderous wet dream."
Let's check out today's headlines! Huh? What the...
to Destiny's day
to move on as protest mars birthday
"A protest challenging Destiny Church's apparent homophobic stance marred
the church's celebration of its first birthday yesterday at Wellington
Didn't even know I had a church!
Saturday night around here is party night. Grandma issues a
stern proclamation while I am trying to fix her computer; "Leave that and
come watch Lawrence Welk now." While we watch the show Grandpa makes us a
series of stiff bourbon and waters and we drink them steadily. Around the
time I realize I'm nodding my head and tapping my foot to the beat it
comes to me that I must be piss drunk. On the HDTV three gay guys in
silver and pink lame space suits are doing a song-and-dance routine about
going to the moon. My mouth is twitching in a suppressed smirk, I'm sure
that this must be the intro to some gay pr0n that's been spliced into
Blogger Hot Goat posts a stream-of-consciousness
bourbon, Phil Collins, and watching immigrant California farm workers from
That 70s Show will reveal the mystery to viewers this fall - Who
is Hyde's father?
Except everyone on the internet knows
already. (SPOILERS! SPOILERS!)
Now apparently the scripts for the next-season episodes are leaking out.
Tonight I found the one before Eric and Donna's wedding - with special
guest star Mark Hamill.
UPDATE: The site hosting that script is gone. Here's my
copy of it.
The Professor on Gilligan's Island was played by Russell Johnson.
Someone's written an interesting essay about his life - and his earlier
career roles as cowboy-movie villains - called: "The
Professor Wore Black".
He grew up
in a a boys' orphanage school in the thick of the Great Depression.
Even so, he never lost sight of his goals -- to become an officer, and
ultimately, an actor. Johnson celebrated his graduation and his 18th
birthday by treating himself to an army hitch. Before long, he was taking
part in World War II as an Army Air Corps bombardier...
And here's what he's saying now...
I think, what I love most at this point in time in the LONG LIFE OF
is the positive, intelligent nature of long time Gilligan
I have received mail throughout the years from young viewers from all over
world, year after year, who were so influenced by the Professor's smarts
became science buffs and are now Real Professors, Doctors and Scientists.
It makes me proud . . .
On my answering machine today...
Yeah, hey... This is Russell Johnson, the professor from Gilligan's
And I'm calling to wish you a happy birthday!
I hope you have a great
and I wish the coming year brings you nothing but joy and laughter, and
good health of course.
Anyways, on behalf of myself and Hollywood is calling.com,
we wish you all the best.
God bless you, good luck, and have a great day.
Jan and Dean's career started when they saw
"The Bazoom Girl" --
Lee -- perform in Los Angeles.
Arnie Ginsburg came by and told us that he broke up
with the girl at the Frostee Freeze. But he had found a girl he liked
Jan co-wrote a song about her, and it
became a #1 hit in 1958.
They should've called the album: "Jan and Dean meet a Stripper."
Here's other interesting trivia about Jan and
- Herb Alpert worked on the first Jan and Dean
- A young (and then unknown) Linda McCartney is pictured on
the cover of their single "Linda".
- They started their career
singing with the Beach Boys. Brian Wilson
wrote the first line of "Surf City."
- Jan and Dean once did a cover of "Norwegian
- On the album Popsicle, they spliced a female voice
into the song "Sugar Shack" saying: "I dig your woody."
- Dean went on to design album
covers for Chicago, the Turtles, and the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band
Here's an album title I never thought I'd see.
and Dean meet Batman
Yep. In the 1960s music promoters cross-bred the Batman craze with
surfing music to create this kitschy concept album. The fun-loving teens
recorded the album just months before Jan's automobile accident.
I still wanna see "Jan
and Dean meet a stripper."
It's The Simpsons versus Brazil - round II...
The Simpson's were criticized in April of 2002 for an episode set in
Brazil - by Brazil's Bureau of Tourism. The feral monkeys chasing an
orphan sent the wrong message about a country which relies so
heavily on tourist dollars, they argued.
The Fox network issued a half-hearted
apology - but then started tweaking their scripts to include jokes
In a 2003 episode I just watched, Bart convinces
Krusty the Clown to run
for Congress. Krusty agrees that this could settle his pesky
problems with the government - including an ongoing tussle with
the department of immigration. Apparently, they want to deport
cap-wearing, cigar-smoking monkey back to Brazil!
"His uncle was the head monkey at the Bureau of Tourism..."
Don't miss The
Simpsons vs. Brazil - Part I
More scandalous gossip from Annette Funicello's biography...
- Annette describes visiting Italy in 1962. "The only thing I never got
used to was being pinched by men who were
total strangers, but I couldn't get too upset about it, since that was
- Despite all the Beach party movies Annette made, she "always hated the
The sea air made my hair frizzy, and as for surfing -- forget it."
- When Annette's young daughter Gina saw a TV ad showing
Annette with Frankie Avalon, she asked: "Mommy, is that my daddy? And why
does he never come home for dinner?"
Annette Funicello confessions Part
II, and especially Part III - "Sleeping with Zorro"
Film composer Elmer Bernstein died Wednesday. His life and career took an
turn in the 1950s...
"I wasn't important enough to be blacklisted, so I was put on a gray
he once said.
Still, major studios refused to hire him, and he resorted to turning out
music for low-budget films like "Robot Monster" and "Cat Women of the
Cool. I'm Google's #1
match for the phrase "Alien
vs. Predator download".
Er, now I feel a little guilty about my
"Finally!!" says the sign in the window... "the new Pam Anderson novel is
San Francisco gossip columnist Leah Garchik issues
from A Clean Well-Lighted Place for Books.
"I've been monitoring sales there since then: None."
Julia Childs was a British spy.
Or, at least, she
for the OSS handling top secret
documents during World War II - in Sri Lanka and China.
The article in "Military Officer" magazine theorizes the freedom and
responsibility had a liberating effect on the young woman in 1944.
later she recalled her transport ship's mid-Pacific water stop.
"We jumped off in Perth, Australia, and promptly hit the bars, then went
looking for kangaroos."
Link from KenLayne.com
MTV required clean words when they hired
Wonkette, the dishy
Washington gossip columnist.
"They made that a clause when I signed the contract," she told
the Village Voice.
"[T]he guy was like, 'You know you can't say ass-fucking on television,
When they offered her the position, she wondered if she was just getting
"We sure like girls, all kind of girls
This gratuitous chipmunk
moment comes from the very first album by Alvin
and the Chipmunks. (45 years ago - back when they were drawn
realistically as actual chipmunks!) David Seville was very
From Annie to Veronica,
We like them small or fat or tall,
I wanna play my harmonica."
Over on Amazon, a
critic opines about the group's 1995 career retrospective, "The Very
Vraiment irritant!! On dirait que la musique ? ?t? faite avec un
Radio Shack! Je ne sais vraiment pas ce que cette merde fait
disque... Dire que la compagnie gaspille du papier et du plastique pour
imprim? les ''Chips Monk!''.
Hear Dave sing about
Okay, so, it's not just a pillow. It's a personal cooling
solution using patented "Sooth-Soft Comfort Technology" - a
It was this freakish new word that piqued the blogger at
Cardhouse.com. Even his readers
are now mocking the site's corpo-hucksterism.
Putting a Chillow® between your legs would not be a prudent method of
population control, since, if anything, it would help breed harder,
faster, stronger sperms and lead to a generation of children who look up
to the Chillow® as a third parent.
plays even rougher with the new word. He splices it into the lyrics of a
song by the Jazz Butchers, in place of the word chicken.
Which came first the Chillow® or the egg?
It took me a while, but I finally caught Chillow-mania
after reading Cardhouse's exchange with their smarmy marketer.
They get so damn crazy they eat their own legs...
There's Chillow® on your shirt front, greasy and thick
Someone tell the manager the Chillow® is sick...
"Why does the United States
have 10X the GNP of any country in the world? Because of people like
Avenue Q is like a parody of the
Muppets - sometimes, a little raunchy.
Here's a clip of its heart-warming musical number,
Internet is for Porn.
I enjoyed reading Amazon's
reviews of the new DVD for "Jem and the
(Season 1 and 2.)
Big Hair Rules
We here at Destiny-land were especially excited to learn that Jem's rival
"The Stingers," had a song called "Destiny."
It's About 90% Truly Outrageous
And, that the band Destiny's Child once, while appearing on a Canadian
TV show, sang the
theme song to Gem.
It took me a while to find episode
lists for the 1986 cartoon. Heh. I just love the cheesy titles...
"Passport to Rock"
"Rock and Roll Express"
"Intrigue at the Indy 500..."
Quake and Doom are violent video games.
But the 1996
Doom comic book was even more violent.
The dialogue is laughably bad - and yet it captures the "first-person
shooter" game's crazed non-stop action.
AHHH! CHAINSAW! THE GREAT COMMUNICATOR!
SWEET CHRISTMAS! BIG-MOUTHED FLOATING THINGIES! IT'S ALWAYS SOMETHING!
"My cause is just...my will is strong...and my gun is very, very, large."
"Uh-oh. I'm radioactive. That can't be good..."
Have you seen the
latest leaked preview of Alien vs.
The special effects aren't impressive.
Annette Funicello describes "sleeping with
the age of 15.
"Every night I drifted off to sleep hugging his eight-by-ten framed photo
to my chest. Afraid I would roll over and break the glass, Mom snuck in
every night and gently pried the picture from my arms.
"One night - as
my mother predicted - it did crack, and that was the end of my 'sleeping
with' Zorro, although I later named a little black spaniel after
Annette got her wish, and the next year appeared on the TV series
she even wielded his famous sword --
"thrusting it into the chest of my no-good fiance and sending him plunging
off the side of a ship...."
The episode was titled "The Postponed
Annette had her 16th birthday on the set - and Zorro carved his 'Z' into
frosting of the cake.
Don't miss Annette Funicello confessions Part
I and Part
This is possibly the most
beautiful game I've ever seen. Scarecrows, ravens, and seeds - all in
black and white.
And this is possibly the most
beautiful animated video I've ever seen. An acoustic version of
"Creep" with grey,
Scarecrow game via Mat
Destiny's pal Mat sees a larger problem in his essay...
you, Mr. Writer"
a job listing
But watch what happens when someone named "Destiny" tries to pin down
their Vice President of Operations Jen Fletcher on what the positions pay!
Now with dancing bananas!
Crazy! Not only is there a fan site in Turkey about the TV show
They've actually got transcripts of entire episodes!
At least for Season 9 and
For instance, "The One
With Phoebe's Wedding".
Phoebe: Listen, I need to ask you something. Ok, you know how my
step dad's in prison.
Joey: (afraid) Yeah.
Phoebe: Yeah. Well, uhm... listen he was supposed to get a weekend
furlough, so he'd come to the wedding tomorrow, but he just called
and... uhm... well, apparently stabbing Iceman in the exercise yard just
couldn't wait till Monday...
story about Disney CEO Michael Eisner trying to mingle with the
Disneyland staffers from the Jungle Cruise ride.
Eisner broke into a broad and forced smile and said "Hey,
that must be a lot of fun! I'd love to be able to drive that boat around
all day, making those jokes and shooting at the hippo's like you do!"
without missing a beat, one of the Jungle Cruise Skippers said "We don't
get to shoot at the hippo's anymore sir. They took the guns away three
It's fun reading the
discussion of why Catwoman failed
in the internet newsgroup rec.arts.movies.current-films.
Catwoman failed because it wasn't actually
Catwoman. As soon as they
changed the character's name from Selina Kyle to Patience
ceased to be Catwoman.
It would be like calling Batman,
or Superman, James Tucker or Spider-man, Larry Fields. It
I'm Google's #1
match for the phrase...
Bush need a spanking?
All those words do occur on one of my pages - "Does", "need," "spanking,"
and "Jenna Bush".
But I was talking about the wild night-life of Washington
intern Jessica Cutler!
Who, yes, dated a spanking enthusiast, and was once discussed on the "I
Jenna Bush" blog...
My review of Shrek 2 is also Google's #4
match for the phrase...
"Not the gumdrop button!"
McSweeney's ran a funny piece suggesting song titles to follow-up on
(Won't You Give Me a Ride Home From) Funkytown?
It's become a kind of game now, with bloggers across the net contributing
follow-up song titles.
The Morning That the Lights Came Back On in Georgia
So here's mine:
Stacie's Dad has gotten a restraining order
Achey Breaky Pacemaker
Armistice Signed; Right to Party Granted in Perpetuity
Where the Streets Have No Municipal Works Department
This is my pre-emptive strike against your United States of Whatever
Continuar la vida loca
After getting back from San Francisco, I found out I'd just left my heart
behind the couch
Mattel's dirty secret revealed!
After entertaining a 6-year-old girl,
Santa Barbara nanny answers the question "What did your Barbies do?"
"They changed clothes a lot," she replied.
"That's really all Barbies
"You don't want to shoot a cop!"
So I enjoyed all the subtle feminist statements in Catwoman...
"I'm a woman. I'm used to doing all kinds of things I don't want to do."
"Cats only come when they feel like it. Not when they're told."
But it's story had
nothing to do with the original D.C. comic book. To make its
point, the movie replaced Selena Kyle, jewel-fancying burglar and fan of
with the commercial advertising artist for a cosmetics mogul.
"You're just a scared little girl playing dress up...."
Kirsten Dunst had
a complaint when she saw the videogame version of her
character in the Spider-Man 2 videogame.
"They made her boobs gigantic."
"I was like, 'Tone down the boobs, please!'"
"It was a little ridiculous..."
So who is this only-other-known-fan of the
Nutty Squirrels? It's the proprietor of "Show and Tell Music."
"This website was created back in '99," his site's description explains, "as
place where I could force my
weird record collection on anybody other than my friends.
but they were through being held captive every time they visited me and I
needed to find a new audience."
"Show and Tell got over 25,000 visits in its first two years and I
say, I'm pretty blown away by that. It's about 24,950 more visits than the
collection would have received sitting around here gathering dust in my
Hooray! I've found another novelty-music lover who likes
"The Nutty Squirrels."
Calling their creators "the happy-hearted hepster team," he writes
"This stuff is way-pre-Chipmunks and twice
as hip with killer West Coast jazz backgrounds."
"Sometimes I question my emotional maturity when listening to music like
this," he adds, "but in moments of clarity I remember that it couldn't
Click here for Destinyland's original post about the
Annette Funicello confessions, Part II.
As the Mickey Mouse Club was
growing in popularity, Annette discovered that "for a while one of my brothers was selling my phone number."
Shamelessly lifted from Annette's biography, "A Dream is a Wish Your Heart
Want something even steamier? Try Annette
Funicello confessions, Part I.
Cool. I'm Google's
match for the phrase...
is looking for a few good dates."
Yes, I'm "Googen-heiming" again...
I cried when the kids gave Spiderman his mask back.
"Go get 'em, tiger."
"Isn't it about time somebody saved your life?"
Cool. I'm also Google's #2 match for the phrase "Animated Blog."
Another site will show you how high Google prioritizes your web
when sorting their search results.
The site generating that "Page Rank" image was discovered
Tim Curry - who played Dr. Frank N. Furter, the sweet transvestite from
Transylvania in The Rocky Horror Picture Show - sings on a
Walt Disney album.
He adds his own
to "The Ballad of Davy Crockett."
Davy, Davy Crockett!
The man knew no fear.
Just think about all that wilderness.
And nobody had really been
And just him and his gun, and I should think the odd
Question: Who sang the following lyrics.
doing the Time Warp.
those moments when
the blackness would hit me
and the void would be calling...
It's just one of many unlikely covers that Alvin has recorded.
a Bob Dylan song. Alvin's handlers probably figured "Mr. Tamborine
would appeal to younger audiences
with its folky references to "jingle-jangle mornings." But the same album
also has him
covering Tom Jones' "What's New Pussycat"...
Honestly, when Alvin -- the chipmunk -- leers that the midwest
farmers' daughters really make
you feel all right - it seems a little unwholesome. At least when he's
singing "What's New Pussycat,"
you can imagine that there's an actual pussycat involved...
The chipmunk voices don't
always work. "Twist and Shout" has never
sounded so emasculated.
And when the chipmunk trio gets to the part where all their voices go
I mean this literally: this album hurt my ears.
And yet, their cover of "This Diamond Ring" is surprisingly good!
Other unusual songs from the Chipmunk catalog...
And, yeah, it wasn't even the original Chipmunks
singing these songs.
"Chipmunk Rights" shouts one Amazon
"These poor chipmunks have been exploited hundreds of times since the
"I am sure they are tired of singing stupid songs made by has been 80s
"3 of 4 people found the following review helpful..."
Two guys are having lunch in San Francico.
They look up and see "the PETA Bikini girls wrestling
And they're more
interested in the fact that they can see Frank Chu, the
Market Street crank who carries that crazy hand-lettered sign.
"Impeach Clinton! Impeach Bush! 12 Galaxies Guiltied to a Zegnatronic
So I'm still enjoying this anti-corporate
review of Shrek II...
The first Shrek had super-detailed, hard-to-find tie-in action figures
from McFarlane Toys. The sequel has mass-produced, bland-looking neon
things packed with accessories that literally stink.
An apt analogy when it comes to comparing the films themselves.
Of course, their review drew these comments from readers...
I love the internet....
ur review doesnt make sense
You, my friend, are the "German Judge" of the Olmypics.
Please stop using the word 'conceit'.
I agree with the guy who asked you to stop saying "conceit."
To read my own review, click here.
below also answers the question, what do Shrek II and
Bush have in common?
"[I]f you thought 'I'm a Believer' was a cheeseball song to
use in part
just wait until you hear...
"'Living la Vida Loca'
"I wish I were
Recall that this song was lame and overplayed by the time it was performed
live at George W. Bush's inauguration...."
Speaking of music, there's also a 1994 avante-garde jazz album
"...eschewing identifiably standard song structures for a blurry continuum
sounds, skewed rhythms, and extraterrestrial transmissions....just don't
look for a melody."
Shrek 2 gets a
working-over from the uber-critics at Film Threat. ("John
slightly befuddled old British guy he's been playing since the 1980s,
while Julie Andrews frets passably...")
"The soundtrack deserves mention, mostly because its relatively high
quality* makes the film itself that much
more irritating....if you're capable of picking out decent music for a
soundtrack, why put
together a cynical, lazily animated cartoon with a hackneyed 'moral' for
the film itself?"
I also thought that soundtrack was great. Nick Cave and Tom Waits as bad-guy piano-men in "The Poison Apple" bar, and especially "Changes" by
Butterfly Boucher featuring David Bowie. (And -- "Funkytown.")
"With Shrek 2 DreamWorks Animation continues to build a niche for
itself as a solely profit-oriented cartoon
studio. Anyone wanting to see well-crafted animated films that don't rely
exclusively on making fun of pre-existing material for their jokes should
stick with Pixar."
Even one reviewer
panning the film conceded "To its credit, however,
no Smash Mouth songs this time."
They're even playing the new soundtrack now while people wait in line for
the Shrek ride at Universal Studios
In Shrek 2 the voice of the Ugly Stepsister was provided by...
Larry King was also in this summer's re-make of The Stepford Wives.
And John Q, Contact, Mad City, Bulworth,
Enemy of the State, Ghostbusters....
Couldn't get tickets for Spider-Man 2? How about 18 hours of the
1967 TV cartoon. They've just been released on a 6-DVD set
"Yes, the episodes where Spidey goes underground and swings past the same
stalactite 47 times in a row is there,"
an Amazon reviewer
notes, "but hey,nothing a sugar rush can't make you ignore."
He clinches his argument by invoking the lyrics to that
theme song. "Does whatever a spider can...."
Season 2 was produced by Ralph "Fritz the Cat" Bakshi, another Amazon
Disney just paid sex-diarist "Washingtonienne" $300,000
for the rights to her first book.
as a novel -- called "The Washingtonienne", according to the New York
Times. The author will also pose for the November issue of Playboy.
Yeah I sat next to your cousin, Jared, on the flight back
Beach. I wanted to say fuck you back.
Ten years of gesturing obscenely at airplanes flying overhead
did not go to waste...
So discovers "the Lame King."
He's also successfully robbed
an ice cream truck.
An online conversation I just had with my ex-girlfriend....
Destinyland: I never know what's a good time to call you - so I
Ex-Girl: If it's not a good time, i don't pick up.
Ex-Girl: I just look at the phone and laugh.
Destinyland: So I can call any time I want.
Ex-Girl: except now.
Ex-Girl: or now
Ex-Girl: and not now.
Destinyland: how about now?
Ex-Girl: ok now
Ex-Girl: wait, too late.
Ex-Girl: missed it.
Destinyland: now i don't feel like it anyways.
More headlines from this online
collection of vintage magazine covers...
"Tom Jones Begs Elvis: Go Back To Your Wife, You Belong Together"
Wait a minute - what kind of wild party would haunt Bobby Sherman?!
The answer, apparently,
is that his career started when he was asked to sing at a Hollywood party,
and then landed himself an agent.
"Ann-Margret: Why Men Fear Her, Why Women Hate Her"
"The Wild Party That Haunts Bobby Sherman"
More interesting is this story from a 1998 party held by
Sherman fans. "We were all sitting around watching Bobby Sherman videos,
and listening to
Bobby Sherman music when the phone rang at about 11:15pm and it was him.
Bobby Sherman heard about the party and called to talk to all of us...
"It went on for hours."
47 magazine covers - all with pictures
Now: see if you can find the one with Marty Feldman....
Also entertaining are the headlines from movie star tabloids of
"Secrets of the Filthy Rich"
"Is TV Going Nude?"
"Annette reveals: How Far I'll Go Now That I'm Engaged."
"I don't want a wife from Radio Shack."
I finally saw The Stepford Wives.
Frank Oz directed it, so there's several scenes that make you think the
movie is more about being gay in conservative America. There's a
political rally where the crowd chants "You can't! Stop! Stepford!!!"
as The Star-Spangled Banner plays.
It's sung by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, and...er, stop the presses.
I'd always assumed
Frank Oz was gay after he directed "In and Out."
But he tells this
interviewer "I was a weird kid. I
should've been gay because I listened to a lot of Broadway musicals. I
don't know why I'm not gay."
Well, it would've been a surprise from
voice of both Miss Piggy and Ernie's roommate Bert.
My second-favorite line from the movie?
"Anyone have a screw-driver?"
National Public Radio grills
Wonkette about her coverage of
the Washingtonienne sex diary, asking did she "destroy this young
woman, or are you just giving her her first 15 minutes of fame..."
"She's going to have a...spread in Playboy to show her kids,"
Wonkette replies, "so--not all of us have that."
Funny complaints reviewers had about The Stepford Wives.
"[W]hat guy doesn't run a mile from any woman who shows the least interest
in wearing a tiara?"
"This film is like me asking a woman out on date. It's trying very hard
and seems to be on the verge of success, but it ends in disaster no matter
how earnest the approach."
and Rotten Tomatoes.
The Stepford Wives is being promoted with a picture of Nicole
Kidman...after she's been Stepford-ified...
"That's very frightening," the San Francisco Examiner writes,
"more frightening by far than anything the film
can come up with. It suggests that we have a kind of Stepford right here
in California. It's called Hollywood."
Shrek 4 has already started production.
Oh, and Shrek 3, too...
Ronald Reagan quipped "I paid for this microphone" in his 1984 campaign for re-election.
And while the line clinched his political fortunes, it
a 1948 Spencer Tracy movie.
Tom Tomorrow also summarizes an interesting book
about a time-traveller trying to stop Reagan from becoming President. By
getting him cast as leftist poet Garcia Lorca...
memoir by the LucasArts employee who censored "Maniac Mansion" -- the
1988 computer game -- for its release as a Nintendo game cartridge.
Link via Waxy.org
Should I apologize
for this not being about Jessica Cutler?
Jessica "Washingtonienne" Cutler remembers
her Senate job in a British newspaper memoir.
I opened mail all day (which is why you should never bother to write your
representatives in government: somebody like me reads your letters). And
then I either threw the letters in the garbage or I would make fun of them
And now? She describes herself as a "boy-crazy girl" who arrived in New
York City just in time for Fleet Week. Though she concedes she's really
seeking a book deal. ("[W]hich means I will actually have to do some work
to make a living.")
But she's still going out every night, according to an
email she sent Wonkette, "and every boy I meet wants to do drugs
me and be my new best friend."
Jessica seems to be playing up her bad-girl reputation. Her newspaper
memoir closes with this breezy advice. "Public embarrassment is really very liberating. You really stop caring
about what people think."
But is she really as notorious as she thinks? She cited 32,000
her in name in a Google search - but searches specifically for the
phrase "Jessica Cutler" only generate 4,360 matches...
Thanks again to Calico Cat for
"For the moment, try to understand, cowboys and cowgirls, that you're
actually worth a lot more than what our sad sexual culture is trying to
sell you out for..."
Harvard's chaplain responds
to the launch of a sex magazine by
Harvard students. The mother of one of the editors -- a Swiss
psychotherapist - takes a
"Youngsters today, particularly those who go to Harvard, spend most of
their time developing their minds and careers,
and are told very little of value about the emotional and the sexual."
The magazine itself offers this defense. "If H Bomb has a
philosophy (beyond a simple and naive wish to just exist), it is that
somewhere beyond porn and esoteric scholarly inquiry there is a happy
And the flash intro to their web
site contributes this song by the band Custom.
Hey mister, I really like your daughter
I'd like to eat her like ice cream, maybe dip her in chocolate...
Someone submitted a funny caption for this photo on Spinnwebe...
"I realize that each generation has its own Cyndi Lauper, but my question
The Washington Post confirms
that Jessica Cutler didn't graduate
from Syracuse University - prompting a reader to ask...
"Honestly, who would lie about graduating from Syracuse?"
One of the Post's readers also claims they saw Cutler Wednesday
- getting a makeover, and "accompanied by an obvious PR-type woman."
Post columnist Richard Leiby notes a contact in the publishing
industry who says "I
have my suspicions it was all orchestrated... something doesn't smell
right." (One of his readers counters that "The whole blog is a lie...")
Thanks again to Calico Cat for the
Jessica Cutler interviewed
by sex magazine Nerve. I'd assumed
Jessica only started receiving financial "gifts" from her lovers fairly
recently. But then
Nerve asked her about the unnamed Bush-appointed
Chief of Staff she'd claimed to be seeing...
Q. How did money come up? I mean, you met him and you liked him...
But to be fair, she also says...
A. Well, he asked what I did, and I think at the time I was actually
at a non-profit, and everyone knows
people my age-- I mean, I didn't go to
law school or anything -- are probably not making a lot of money. And he
would ask, 'What's going on in your life?' And I was usually like, 'Oh, I
have to pay this and do this.' Of course, for someone my age, money is an
issue. So he was trying to do a nice thing. He was generous. He was very
I really liked all these guys. I would never have sex with
wasn't attracted to or whom I didn't like.
Link from Calico Cat
Monday, as the Washingtonienne scandal was breaking, someone quietly
posted the following anonymously to an online bulletin board about
Assuming Jess Cutler is Washingtonienne, I totally went to highschool with
her (Nottinghaaaaam what what).
But don't believe everything you read online. Another
anonymous poster to the same site claims to be Jessica Cutler.
In 10th grade she made up an absurd
about how she was dating some older graduate student poet type named
Malcom. She never produced the guy and later admitted that it was a
Although I always liked her ok, she was widely regarded
a whiny, attention starved ho-bag, which leads me to believe that this
whole Washingtonienne bit is a scam.
...last night I decided to really take inventory of who I am. I got to
thinking about all the money I've made and about all of the poor and
underpriveledged people in this world, and I realized I had to do
something to give back. With that in mind, I took a ride over to the
Georgetown Hospital Children's Burn Unit and gave out free *** jobs until
sunrise. And, you know what? It felt good. It felt really good.
Back in her hometown,
Jessica Cutler's father
receives a phone call from the Syracuse Post-Standard
Despite all the press coverage, he hadn't heard that his daughter Jessica
had been fired for her sexy diary eight days earlier.
"...and had no
Link found on Calico Cat.
SYRACUSE UNIVERSITY SPEAKS!! DESTINYLAND EXCLUSIVE!! MUST CREDIT
Jessica Cutler never graduated from Syracuse University, says the school.
"No degree - not awarded," reports a staffer at their Registrar's office.
To confirm we were talking about the same Jessica Cutler, they provided me
with the birthdate they had on file for her - May 18, 1978. (The same
birthday given in the Washingtonienne web-log.)
Somehow the Washington Post got the impression that Cutler held a bachelor's degree in international relations....
And, also, that she was an innocent 24. In fact, she's 26, says the
Syracuse University registrar -- and was apparently just a few days shy of
that 26th birthday when she started her online diary.
the first to
raise suspicions about her age....
UPDATE: "I don't know why that's important!" Cutler tells
"Jessica, let me cut to the chase here. Why talk about your sex life on
Blogger Washingtonienne stands up
to an interviewer on Fox News.
"Do your parents know what you were doing in Washington?"
"They do now." (Raises eyebrows)
The link is courtesy of CalicoCat,
also links to some great
photos from Washingtonienne's late night on the town with Wonkette.
"They couldn't run me out of town. If they could I would already be gone."
The New York Post profiles
Jessica Cutler, aka "Washingtonienne," the sex scandal intern...
Last night's episode of The Simpsons is being taken as a shout-out to the
Inspired by Lisa, everyone in town creates their own micro-newspaper --
The Homer Times, The Lenny Saver, The Barney Bugle,
The Willie World News...
Homer: See Lisa, instead of one big-shot controlling all the media,
there's a thousand freaks xeroxing their worthless opinions!
It's "a decent allegory for the 'Fox News-ification' of the media," writes
one blogger at Idly.org -- titling his post...
Lisa: I couldn't be prouder.
"A thousand freaks."
Link via Waxy.org
Here's a bizarre
to the Washingtonienne scandal...
she met "MD" "has 'Mister Rogers' memorabilia hanging in a glass case
over the door."
Including King Friday and Lady Elaine Fairchild puppets.
Inn bar -- where she took spanking enthusiast "RS" -- has eight
heads...and two mounted
Before her date with notoriety, she'd also worked as an intern for...
Sex wasn't enough; she'd also needed to talk about it.
Click here to read
on the Washingtonienne sex
Pictures of the mysterious intern are now online in the
Washington Post and on Wonkette.
"YOU WILL NEVER SHUT
DOWN THE REAL NAPSTER."
summer's re-make of The Italian Job included many lines about
Napster, most from the heist crew's hacker member "Lyle". (Seth
He insists he invented Napster; that it was stolen by his
college roommate, later Napster CEO Shawn Fanning. This is re-enacted in
I wonder what the real Shawn Fanning thinks about this, I thought,
the movie last night. Today I found out. The part
of Shawn Fanning
was played by...
Two of my all-time
favorite photos accompanied a Montana newspaper's story
statue of Ronald McDonald stolen in 2001.
Billy Bass, the singing toy fish, is now singing a new song.
"Because we don't like that fish...."
Before Andy Kaufman died, "he told
several friends that he was planning to
fake his death, disappear and return in 20 years, precisely."
Twenty years is: May 16 -- a week from Sunday -- and the Sunset Strip
of Blues" has booked a mysterious show called "Andy Kaufman - Dead or
"It's not that I believe he's still alive," says
a producer from
the TV show
"but every once in a while I
think maybe he is going to pop up.
"And if he does, it may be the
greatest prank of all time."
Link stolen from Waxy.org
James Lileks curates an online exhibit of bizarre publicity photos.
outlived Elvis," he comments on this one, "thereby suggesting to many
there is no God, or
if there is one, He lacks taste."
"Reviled as mere bubblegum, shriek-fodder for pre-pubescent ptitsas,
there was a strangely squeaky-clean but paradoxically psychedelia-tinged
corruptness in their repertoire..."
The Monkees, as seen by a site called LemonBasket.
They tell an interesting story about Mickey Dolenz's
original (furious) lyrics for the song "Mommy and Daddy."
Tell your mommy and daddy...
It was the Monkee's last charting single - after Mickey changed the
By the late 60s no one wanted to hear the Monkees being "relevant."
amazing to think that they released a top forty single with this
They're living in a lie! Lie! Lie!
"Ask your daddy why that soldier doesn't care who he kills....
Don't be surprised if they turn and walk away.
But tell your mommy and daddy that you love them anyway."
Peter Nguyen scanned his notorious Honors
English report on American poet Walt Whitman.
In the third paragraph
he begins describing Walt Whitman's Livejournal blog, "which he doesn't
think anyone knows about, full of whiny goth poetry. His Current Mood is
always 'Apathetic' and his music is always some obscure punk band that no
one has ever heard of...."
Honors English teacher Mr. Farlow was not impressed...
Link stolen from Waxy.org
One of Quentin Tarantino's favorite movies stars -- Roy Rogers and
You'll catch a clip -- a technicolor cowboy fist-fight -- as
Uma Thurman approaches David Carradine to Kill Bill (Volume 2.)
Roy's movie is called "The
She played wild women in the movies...
Some girls swing because they want to!
Some girls swing because they have to!
And then there are girls who swing because
Including a notorious noir heroine.
They call her Jody, but her real name is trouble!
She's irresistible! She's defiant!
She uses her sex like an animal uses teeth.....
Who was the woman the movie trailers called "That ball of fire"? I'll
give you a hint.
She made a movie with Elvis Presley.
"Viva the excitement when these two let themselves go on a wild and wooly
whirl through fun town U.S.A...."
If you're still stumped, click
Consider that post a birthday treat. Destinyland entered its third year
just a few days ago....
Ah, I miss those carefree days of my
John Ashcroft doesn't dance.
Three years ago Josh Marshall offered this analysis.
"The fact that Ashcroft doesn't dance doesn't mean he has
extra-special-double integrity. If anything it makes him sound like a
And here's another
take from political cartoonist Herblock.
"He's like that minister in Footloose," says Howard Stern.
Mickey Mouse is in trouble.
The New York Times investigates
Disney's need for a mouse make-over. Cartoonist Art Spiegelman has a
suggestion. "Make him
gay. He's half way there anyway.
"You keep the voice the same as it's
been; beyond having him take a passionate interest in Broadway musicals
and occasionally wearing pink shirts, you don't have to do much."
The Times also remembers Mickey's 1994 rap
Also quoted in the article: John Updike, Maurice Sendak, and
Stephen Jay Gould.
Last year Mickey released a forgotten bluegrass album called
Mickey Where Art Thou
Billy Dee Williams made a guest appearance on That 70s Show...
He was playing a minister. Counselling a young couple against pre-marital
Bride-to-be Donna complains her fiance Eric "talks about Star Wars
"I'm not surprised," says Billy Dee Williams. "Star Wars is the
movie of all time."
The fiance asks: "Is this a counselling session or a dork-off?!"
Don't miss the amazing animated version of
The Bad Girls of Pulp Fiction reproduces lurid covers
from trashy paperback novels. Here's its excerpt for
Danni raced down the hill, zooming past confused bystanders,
bending her knees and leaning into the wind and feeling the
warmth of the sun on her body.
"This!" she cried out. "This is what it means to be
Kill Bill Spoilers.....
Kill Bill: Volume THREE to Entertainment Weekly.
daughter who came home on the school bus in the very first scene grows up
to get her own revenge on Uma Thurmond. She "deserves her revenge every
bit as much as The Bride deserved hers," Tarantino tells the magazine.
"I might even shoot a couple of scenes for it now so I can get the
actresses while they're this age."
Watch Bob Dylan's ad for Victoria's Secrets here.
It looks more like a music video than a TV lingerie ad....
If you still haven't
seen David Letterman's footage of the bored 12-year-old (yawning during
President Bush's speech) -- you can watch it here.
By the way, the boy just turned 13.
"Isn't there something a bit odd about a national cable news network
imagining it's getting calls from the White House?"
An Alabama newspaper
staffer is mocking
CNN's response to David Letterman's footage of a 12-year-old yawning
during President Bush's speech...
began President Bush's letter
to 12-year-old Tyler Crotty...
I want to thank you for attending
my rally in Orlando.
Footage of Tyler repeatedly yawning during Bush's speech got big
laugh's on David Letterman's show.
I probably am buying-in to a White House spin operation. But I gotta
admit -- that's cute.
The hall was hot and my speech was long so I understand why a fellow
your age might nod off. I really appreciate your support for my candidacy.
Give your dad my best.
George W. Bush
CNN has apologized
to David Letterman.
Here's the re-cap.
Letterman had aired footage of a bored twelve-year-old kid fidgeting
while listening to a speech by George Bush. CNN aired the footage, then
said the footage's authenticity had been challenged by the White House.
Letterman stood his ground, and CNN caved. They believed Letterman's
footage was authentic, CNN announced later - and they
also changed their story, saying they had
not been contacted by the White House after all.
CNN anchorperson Daryn Kagen even offered to come on Letterman's show
and perform a Stupid Human Trick.
Al Franken's new radio show
The O'Franken Factor
premiers right now on the new "Air America" network!
local radio stations don't carry it, you can listen to it live on the web...
Disgraced New York Times journalist Jayson Blair wows a small town
book club -- with his stories about covering Lex
Yes, this story was made up, too....
Unexploded military ordinance! An undersea mine! Last week I watched an
where a mine that fell off of a battleship was dis-abled by a Navy
And the frog-man the Navy called out was....
Yes, the king of rock and roll dis-assembles live munitions
in the 1967 classic Easy Come, Easy Go.
"Yikes! Just like that torpedo they found in a marina in Santa Cruz
year," a real-life Navy contractor tells me...
"Some jake dropped his watch in the drink and hired a diver who
found... A torpedo!"
"The Navy came by and took it away, but I don't
Special Geek Announcement
If your blog has a newsfeed, the newest FireFox browser can now display
the titles of your posts
IN A BROWSER'S BOOKMARK FILE! (When your page's bookmark is
highlighted...) Web surfers just
click on the orange square in the lower-right corner of Firefox's browser
to install a "live bookmark" for your page.
Many bloggers discovered that instead of
displaying the titles, Firefox displayed only an error message. ("Live
Bookmark feed failed to load.") After an hour of web-surfing, I've
discovered the fix...
Firefox is displaying a generic error message.
Item in your feed apparently
must contain both a
link and a title.
- In addition, any HTML tags -- for instance,
<BR> -- will also prevent the Live Bookmark from working. (Though
I haven't tested whether you could correct this problem with CDAT code or
- The Live Bookmark also won't work if your feed contains the
phrase "Conten t-type: text/html."