A Connecticut speech pathologist recently posted a parody claiming to be a newly-discovered copy of AOL's new on-line policy to a Usenet newsgroup...


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AOL's NEW ONLINE POLICY
- Submitted by A. Smithson


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For those of you unfamiliar, America Online has adopted some new policies. Here are some of their new reminder messages which pop up frequently -depending on your level of use.


1. You have been online for 46 minutes. Do you want to stay online? Please respond within 10 minutes or you will be logged off.


2. You have been online for 92 minutes? Do you still want to stay online? Please respond within 10 minutes or you will be logged off.


3. You have been online for 135 minutes? Not to put any pressure on you, but there are other people in the world who would like to sign on.


4. You DO realize that you have been online for 184 minutes, right? When was the last time that you were outside?


5. Ok, this is getting ridiculous! You have been online for 240 minutes. Frankly, you are beginning to p*ss us off. If you sign off now, we will bring back your buddy list, ok?


6. You have now been online for 360 minutes. We promised you unlimited time, we know, but can't you just finish up now and go read a good book?


7. You have been online for 467 minutes. Do you remember your family members' names?


8. You have been online for 513 minutes. Your spouse has left you and your dog is starving. Do you wish to remain online?


9. You have been online for 724 minutes. Steve Case is coming over to personally kick your butt.


10. You have been online for 852 minutes. Do you have ANY idea how many HOURS that is?


11. You have been online for 921 minutes. Do you realize that America Online averages 921 complaints per hour regarding busy phone lines. That is because of YOU! Now log off and go to bed!!


12. You have been online for 1000 minutes. When AOL went unlimited, we didn't think you would take us literally. Now hang up!!!!!


13. You have been online since yesterday. If you don't log off, we are coming over to your house and pulling your whole phone out of the wall!! Thank you for being an AOL member. We appreciate your business.



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