Subject: AOL Lies II:  "Software Inside"
Newsgroups: alt.aol-sucks
Organization:  someplace with e-mail

Let's see if I can out-hype AOL:

 
    If you want to be more capable, powerful, connected, knowledgeable, 
    productive, prosperous, and happier, just insert this disk.

 
Whoops.  Failed.  That's a direct quote from the "10 free hours" mailer I
got yesterday. 
 
The next line is:
 
   "Here's the point and click of it."
 
 
   10 Hours Free - a $40.00 value.
 
How do they get that?  I know, you're thinking:
 
             Monthly fee                       $10.00
             Ten hours       10 x 3 =          $30.00
                                             ---------
                                               $40.00
                                           
 
But the monthly fee includes five hours.
 
             Monthly fee                       $10.00
             Five additional hours  5 x 3 =    $15.00
                                             ---------            
                                               $25.00
 
 
They've overstated the value of their promotion by 60%
                       

Once AOL's hype-machine is on, it keeps grinding it out:


    "Get the most power, performance and fun out of your computer starting 
     today."

    "See how much America Online can do for you.  Sign on tonight!"
 
And  "What makes America Online the best choice?" over a big Q.

    
The answer is:
 
     "Standard features you won't find anywhere, like the Download Manager."
 
They don't tell you what it is.  You can download from any online
service...but not using the "Download Manager". 
 
        "The software configures itself....and you need to install it 
         only once."
 
Software you only need to install once?  Whatta concept.
 
 
        "No intrusive advertising like with other online services."
 
That's a flat-out lie...CompuServe and Delphi have no ads.  Besides, AOL
is one big ad. 
 
        "Great customer service"
 
Chickens have lips.
        
        "Access to the internet at no extra charge."
 
And no extra access.
 
 
        Live interaction with intelligent people.
        
Pigs fly.
 
 
Remember AOL's New Member Guide, which said "Experience the fastest
growing online service through the eyes of our members," in giant letters
across the cover, adding, in tiny letters on the inside front cover, "The
people described in Section One are fictional?" 
 
 
This time, there's an insert, with no disclaimer, which says...
 
        "America Online's your best value.  Just ask our members..."
 
        "I have extensively used other computer services such as Prodigy, 
        CompuServe, Delphi, and GEnie, but there is NO doubt that America 
        Online is far and away the BEST THERE IS!!"  
 
Actual AOL-er punctuation.  (To give it added credibility, they signed it 
"TF".)
 
        "It is the only online service that is Fun."
 
Is anyone buying this?
 
        "Quick responses from your customer service department and online 
         tech help are a major reason for my decision to stay with 
	 AOL..."        
 
BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!   The Pope's Jewish.
 
        "...along with a great E-mail set-up."
 
Stop it!  You're killing me!  "I just wish I could delete..."
               
        "It is an inspiration to see an American company dedicated to 
        providing quality at reasonable prices."
       
Mine eyes have seen the glory.
    
                    
This is the scariest one of all:
 
        "AOL sets the trend for the future."
 
The net is dead.
 
Our friends from the New Member Guide are back!  AOL recycled the pictures
of the phoney members they made up from their last piece of misleading
promotional literature to use in the "Software Inside" promotion.
 
This time around, New Member "Dave" asks
 
        "I'm a serious computer user.  What can AOL do for me?"
 
Serious computer user?  Last time, this was the extent of Dave's 
computer experience:
 
   "My friend Jim was always on top of the scores, so I got curious about
   where he was getting his information. Now, I use America Online to stay
   on top of the scoreboard too." 
        
This guys idea of "serious computer use" was playing fantasy baseball!
 
Ironically, the answer to the question "What can AOL do for me?" is 
"plenty."  
 
        "With AOL, you'll really unlock the power of your computer."
 
False.
 
        "Get the right answers, technical support, and insider tips. 
         instantly."
 
Insider tips?!  AOL can't even get you "the right answers".  
 
	"Your America Online subscription will pay for itself over and 
         over!"       
 
Remeber, it's a $40 value.
 

New Member "Mike" is back, too.
 
        "I want to use the Internet.  Can AOL get me there?"
 
No.
 
        "AOL is your gateway to the Internet."
 
See?  (Notice they don't answer 'yes'.  Define "gateway".)
 
	"And you can use it as much as you want without paying extra!"
       
You pay an "extra" three dollars for every hour you use.  Unlike most
internet accounts. 
 	
	"Using E-mail, you can send messages to people around the world 
	 in a flash."
                                                    
"E-MAIL!!!! AOL has" (etc.)  

(Too bad I won't get their responses in a flash.)
 
This section has a picture of Mike smirking about what suckers we are 
for thinking he's a real person...
    
Even "Michelle" is back.
 
        "I like good conversation.  What do you have for me?"
 
TOS.
 
        Dozens of forums from "Gadget Guru" to "Wine and Dine"
 
GadgetGuru2u:  We're shutting this room.  The name "Yes Ma'am" violates our
               Terms of Service.  Check out the "Wine and Dine" room,
               though.
 
 
	"live interaction with friendly, intelligent people anytime..."

 
Balmy4     : IM WHITE & PROUD
DR 187     : i ain't 48 dumbass
Jennife510 : thanks
GhenKhan   : Hey punk dont say the N word!
DR 187     : nigga ,nigga,nigga,nigga,nigga 
 

It's extremely lame.  This part really caught my eye:

	"MBA courses online."
 
I can see it now:

"Where'd you go to school?"
"America Online."
"Get out."
                                                                          
It ends:

    "Access.  Power.  Fun.  Friends.  Sign on tonight - and see for yourself!"
 
Lies, lies lies!  Could they do anything else to make it more misleading?

Oh wait.  The small print under the last line...

	"Commuications surcharges may apply."  

[That's all it says.]