********************************************************************
      Who is this Guru and on what mountain peak does he live?
                      /\       /\      /\  /\          /\    /\
                     /  \/\  /\  \  /\/\ \/  \/\    /\/  \/\/  \  /\/\
                    /    \ \/  \  \/\ \ \ \   \ \/\/  \  /  \   \/  \ \
      ********************************************************************





AOL's Internet Programmer Doug Allan Litten.
Posting under the screen name INetGuru2u through 1995.




From: Dive@ix.netcom.com (Chris Comstock)
Newsgroups: alt.aol-sucks
Subject: The Internet Guru from AOL
Date: 31 Jan 1995 02:51:11 GMT
Organization: Netcom

What kind of Net access does AOL offer now, gopher & e-mail, he must be 
some guru.  I'll e-mail him with all my questions!!!!!




From: proberts@clark.net (Paul D. Robertson)
Newsgroups: alt.aol-sucks
Subject: Re: The Internet Guru from AOL
Date: 31 Jan 1995 18:34:47 GMT
Organization: Clark Internet Services, Inc., Ellicott City, MD USA

INetGuru2u (inetguru2u@aol.com) wrote:
: Chris,
:     You said:
: >What kind of Net access does AOL offer now, gopher & e-mail, he must be 
: >some guru.  I'll e-mail him with all my questions!!!!!

: Chris, be my guest. I welcome the challenge! :-)

Ooh, can I play too?  

All I want is a quick synopsis of the vulnerabilities of BGP, RIP and IGP 
to the sequence number/address spoofing types of attack patterns recently 
re-hashed as CERT 95-01 [first described in Morris' 1985 Bell Labs computer 
Science Technical Report 117].  

Ob AOL-sucks: You can't get to AOL from a non-Windows/Mac machine


: Allan

: ********************************************************************
: Who is this Guru and on what mountain peak does he live?
:                 /\       /\      /\  /\          /\    /\
:                /  \/\  /\  \  /\/\ \/  \/\    /\/  \/\/  \  /\/\
:               /    \ \/  \  \/\ \ \ \   \ \/\/  \  /  \   \/  \ \
: ********************************************************************

--

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Paul D. Robertson      "My statements in this message are personal opinions
proberts@clark.net      which may have no basis whatsoever in fact."
                                                                     PSB#9280



From: inetguru2u@aol.com (INetGuru2u)
Newsgroups: alt.aol-sucks
Subject: Re: The Internet Guru from AOL
Date: 31 Jan 1995 21:56:48 -0500
Organization: America Online, Inc. (1-800-827-6364)

Paul,
   You said:
>Ob AOL-sucks: You can't get to AOL from a non-Windows/Mac machine

Wrong. AOL has a DOS version. The requirements are pretty minimal. EGA and
512K RAM.

Allan




From: iq182@aol.com (IQ 182)
Newsgroups: alt.aol-sucks
Subject: Re: The Internet Guru from AOL
Date: 2 Feb 1995 04:16:59 -0500
Organization: America Online, Inc. (1-800-827-6364)

:Subject: Re: The Internet Guru from AOL
:From: inetguru2u@aol.com (INetGuru2u)
:Date: 31 Jan 1995 21:56:48 -0500
:
:Paul,
:   You said:
:>Ob AOL-sucks: You can't get to AOL from a non-Windows/Mac machine
:
:Wrong. AOL has a DOS version. The requirements are pretty minimal.

So are the end results.







From: sikkid@ccwf.cc.utexas.edu
Newsgroups: alt.aol-sucks
Subject: Re: The Internet Guru from AOL
Date: 1 Feb 1995 22:06:05 GMT
Organization: The University of Texas at Austin

In article <3gmt9g$d7r@newsbf02.news.aol.com>, inetguru2u@aol.com (INetGuru2u) says:

>Paul,
>   You said:
>>Ob AOL-sucks: You can't get to AOL from a non-Windows/Mac machine
>
>Wrong. AOL has a DOS version. The requirements are pretty minimal. EGA and
>512K RAM.

No shit?  Last time I tried it it refused to support anything higher than
2400 bps, and since Austin has a dialup running at 9600 or 14.4k I got booted
off...  

As for the "minimal" requirements, I think a 486DX2/66 with 8 megs RAM should
cut it...

You jackass...

I can't believe I'm replying to any of your shit.






From: sikkid@happy.cc.utexas.edu
Newsgroups: alt.aol-sucks
Subject: Re: The Internet Guru from AOL
Date: 31 Jan 1995 23:43:17 GMT
Organization: The University of Texas at Austin

In article <3gk8iv$456@ixnews3.ix.netcom.com>, Dive@ix.netcom.com (Chris Comstock) says:

>What kind of Net access does AOL offer now, gopher & e-mail, he must be 
>some guru.  I'll e-mail him with all my questions!!!!!

Apparently they can use the 'whois' command too.  The "guru" recently sent 
me a copy of my own domain record for reasons still unbeknownst to me.






From: proberts@clark.net (Paul D. Robertson)
Newsgroups: alt.aol-sucks
Subject: Re: The Internet Guru from AOL
Date: 1 Feb 1995 16:05:56 GMT
Organization: Clark Internet Services, Inc., Ellicott City, MD USA

INetGuru2u (inetguru2u@aol.com) wrote:
: Paul,
:    You said:
: >Ob AOL-sucks: You can't get to AOL from a non-Windows/Mac machine

: Wrong. AOL has a DOS version. The requirements are pretty minimal. EGA and
: 512K RAM.

BTW:  You didn't follow up on my questions *sniff*, does that mean I'm
      being ignored?  If you could just start with the BGP part....
      pretty please?

: Allan

Paul "I'm not a guru, I just play one on USENET" Robertson
--

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Paul D. Robertson      "My statements in this message are personal opinions
proberts@clark.net      which may have no basis whatsoever in fact."
                                                                     PSB#9280



From: proberts@clark.net (Paul D. Robertson)
Newsgroups: alt.aol-sucks
Subject: Re: The Internet Guru from AOL
Date: 11 Feb 1995 19:14:22 GMT
Organization: Clark Internet Services, Inc., Ellicott City, MD USA

INetGuru2u (inetguru2u@aol.com) wrote:
: Dawn,
:     You said:
: Dawn,
:    You said:
: >I recall you were given a few NetQuests to answer, just to
: >verify your guru status.

: >You're take home exam is overdue, mate; shouldn't want you
: >to lose your AOL guru's license.

: >And the answers are..... (we're still waiting...)

: I recall being asked one question by one person that had nothing to do
: with navigating or using the internet

Ah, so you're the 
Navigating_and_Using_the_Internet_client_software_that_I_know_about Guru, 
not the Internet Guru, or bettter still the internet Guru.  Now it's 
perfectly clear.

*wannabe*

Paul.
: Allan


: ********************************************************************
: Who is this Guru and on what mountain peak does he live?
:                 /\       /\      /\  /\          /\    /\
:                /  \/\  /\  \  /\/\ \/  \/\    /\/  \/\/  \  /\/\
:               /    \ \/  \  \/\ \ \ \   \ \/\/  \  /  \   \/  \ \
: ********************************************************************

--

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Paul D. Robertson      "My statements in this message are personal opinions
proberts@clark.net      which may have no basis whatsoever in fact."
                                                                     PSB#9280





From: proberts@clark.net (Paul D. Robertson)
Newsgroups: alt.aol-sucks
Subject: Re: AOL IS A RIP OFF
Date: 31 Jan 1995 01:23:13 GMT
Organization: Clark Internet Services, Inc., Ellicott City, MD USA

Tecumseh (reptile@kaiwan.com) wrote:
: In article <3ggi0g$dr4@newsbf02.news.aol.com> inetguru2u@aol.com (INetGuru2u) writes:

: >I suggest you read the 'The Changing Face of On-Line', PC magazine 2/21/95
: >for a different point of view.

: That article is about on-line services you boob. The last time I checked, the 
: internet was not an online service. 
  ^^^^^^^^
Um, that should be Internet (The Internet, an internet).

: Turn in your certificate, you're no internet guru. 

Aw, come on, his .sig says he is, so he MUST be.  And his access provider
is AOL (hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha I crack myself up!).
I bet he printed his certificate on his dot-matrix printer, and keeps it 
above his bed, for those times when he scores [Yeah babe, look at my 
certificate, I'm a REAL Internet Guru, see, here's my certificate.]

Paul.

:     The above opinions were formed while under the   |    ___    |
:           influence of mind-expanding drugs.         |___/ooo\___| 
:                   reptile@kaiwan.com       -======((*))=( .o. )=((*))======-
:                                                          ^^^^^

--

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Paul D. Robertson      "My statements in this message are personal opinions
proberts@clark.net      which may have no basis whatsoever in fact."
                                                                     PSB#9280




From: sikkid@happy.cc.utexas.edu
Newsgroups: alt.aol-sucks
Subject: Re: AOL IS A RIP OFF
Date: 1 Feb 1995 00:17:56 GMT
Organization: The University of Texas at Austin

In article <3gk3e1$bn2@clarknet.clark.net>, proberts@clark.net (Paul D. Robertson) says:

>I bet he printed his certificate on his dot-matrix printer, and keeps it 
>above his bed, for those times when he scores [Yeah babe, look at my 
		    ^^^^^     ^           
Apparently you forgot who you're making fun of... 

>certificate, I'm a REAL Internet Guru, see, here's my certificate.]





From: proberts@clark.net (Paul D. Robertson)
Newsgroups: alt.aol-sucks
Subject: Re: AOL IS A RIP OFF
Date: 1 Feb 1995 15:36:52 GMT
Organization: Clark Internet Services, Inc., Ellicott City, MD USA

sikkid@happy.cc.utexas.edu wrote:
: In article <3gk3e1$bn2@clarknet.clark.net>, proberts@clark.net (Paul D. Robertson) says:

: >I bet he printed his certificate on his dot-matrix printer, and keeps it 
: >above his bed, for those times when he scores [Yeah babe, look at my 
: 		    ^^^^^     ^           
: Apparently you forgot who you're making fun of... 

ROTFL!  Hmm, maybe a new date comes in the mail each month?  

Paul.

: >certificate, I'm a REAL Internet Guru, see, here's my certificate.]

--

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Paul D. Robertson      "My statements in this message are personal opinions
proberts@clark.net      which may have no basis whatsoever in fact."
                                                                     PSB#9280




From: rhuber@clemson.clemson.edu (Robert S. Huber)
Newsgroups: alt.aol-sucks
Subject: Re: Hey Dawn!  Wanna put some money where your mouth is?
Date: Wed, 22 Mar 1995 10:25:15 -0500
Organization: Clemson University

In article <3kpchf$hpr@newsbf02.news.aol.com>, inetguru2u@aol.com
(INetGuru2u) wrote:

> Robert quoted me then said:
> >> Keep pondering and eventually you might figure out why I still use AOL.
> 
> >Oh, tell us!  God, the anticipation is just killing me!
> 
> Good things come to those who wait. You'll know soon enough. Just relax.
> 
> Allan

Have you no grey matter whatsoever?
Go look up the word "rhetorical" pinhead.

Robert S. Huber
Dept. of Chemistry
Clemson University






From: David Futrelle 
Newsgroups: alt.aol-sucks
Subject: Re: I'M Here!!!!!
Date: 16 Feb 1995 18:55:43 GMT
Organization: InterAccess
X-XXDate: Thu, 16 Feb 1995 13:02:20 GMT

In article <3hpg7u$hla@news1.digex.net> Dawn McGatney, mccork@access.digex.net
quotes Haydie:
> > What's your problem with my name this time?  First of all, I think you're
> > neglecting certain other regular posters, namely Reptile and Spatch, but
> > I'll leave them to deal with their own hurt feelings.  

Hey--you forgot me. My real name is Cyber Net Infoguru; I just use "David
Futrelle" as a cool alias.





From: inetguru2u@aol.com (INetGuru2u)
Newsgroups: alt.aol-sucks
Subject: Re: WWW?
Date: 25 Apr 1995 08:00:56 -0400
Organization: America Online, Inc. (1-800-827-6364)

Kathie said:
>The size limit on AOL is 32k not 1k

Actually it's 64K not 1k. (Windows AOL 1.5 or later)

Doug




From: knewkirk@pacifier.com (K. N. Graham)
Newsgroups: alt.aol-sucks
Subject: Re: WWW?
Date: Wed, 26 Apr 1995 00:30:58 -0700
Organization: Lineage Pursuits

In article <3nio9o$590@newsbf02.news.aol.com>, inetguru2u@aol.com
(INetGuru2u) wrote:

> Kathie said:
> >The size limit on AOL is 32k not 1k
> 
> Actually it's 64K not 1k. (Windows AOL 1.5 or later)
> 
> Doug

That's Windoze not Mac 2.5.1. Would you like to talk to the Mac user who
got one piece of E-Mail in 88 pieces?

What a pain.

Kathie



From: robert@clark.net (Robert D. Seidman)
Newsgroups: alt.aol-sucks
Subject: Re: Prodigy has the Web
Date: 11 Jan 1995 22:57:46 GMT
Organization: Clark Internet Services, Inc.

David Cassel (destiny@crl.com) wrote:

[stuff about Prodigy releasing WWW browser next week]


: (The article also gave Prodigy's membership as "more than 2 million".  This
: confirms what I posted earlier.  AOL is #3 in terms of membership. 
: Inetguru was wrong.) 

Aw David, you don't believe EVERYTHING you read-  if you did you'd still be
on AOL!  That's not to say AOL isn't #3.  Here's how it works: Prodigy
admits that when they give membership numbers they count multiple members
on the same acct.  So, if there are three members on 1 acct, they count
three.  AOL claims they only count the main acct.  Without having 
an independent firm audit all of the online services, you'll never really
know for sure.  

As for Inetguru...he seems to be, um, wrong at too often of a clip for a 
guru.  Never trust a self professed guru.  You know that I actually 
*LIKE* AOL, but I can't imagine any scenario where an Internet GURU  of 
any sort would use AOL as their primary means of Internet access.

: Getting beaten by Prodigy.  How humiliating.  But look at this--I dislike 
: AOL so much, I'm cheering for Prodigy.

You'll really like this then-  not only did Prodigy beat AOL to the WWW,
they also did a pretty nice job of it!

Robert
---------------------------------------------------------------------
"In, Around and Online"-A Weekly Summary of Consumer Online Services
 Robert Seidman          http://www.clark.net:80/pub/robert/home.html
 robert@clark.net          Anon FTP:  ftp.clark.net pub/robert
---------------------------------------------------------------------





From: destiny@crl.com (David Cassel)
Newsgroups: alt.aol-sucks
Subject: Re: Dawn's wrong again
Date: 10 May 1995 21:42:54 -0700
Organization: Nickelodeon
 
In an amazing piece of deduction, Robert Huber discovered the following:
 
: inetguru2u@aol.com (INetGuru2u) wrote:
 
: > Uh...yeah...right....I don't have that problem and I am running the latest
: > Word for Windows, the latest Win32s with OLE32 and Netscape 1.1, Mosaic
: > 2.0b4, QMosaic, InternetWorks and WAOL with the web browser. No problems
: > here.
: >
: > Doug
 
:      Doug (the Windows man) then takes a hit of acid, steps into the
: nearest phone booth and emerges as Allan (the Macintosh man):
 
: > What incompatibility? I am running the latest Mac AOL software with system
: > 7.5 on a PowerMac 6100/60. No problems here.
: >
: > Allan

Fascinating!  They look exactly alike--yet they have two distinct
personalities! 
 
It's like "The Patty Duke Show" or something.
 
After watching too much "Nick at Night", I've decided we could base a
whole TV show on this.  Throw in a catchy theme song sung by 50's-style 
vocalists, and we might have a hit! 
 
It might go something like this......
 
 
        Here's Allen who's been
                most everywhere
        From AOL
                to Netcruiser
 
        But Dougie's only
                seen the sights
        a guru gets 
                from reading "Byte".

              What a crazy pair!
 
 
                But they-re Gu-ru's!
        Guru's 2 U
                Guru's all the way!
        One set of bumbling flunkies,
                Mistaken in every way.
 
        Now Allen adores
                A point-and-click.
        A smiling icon 
                makes him kick!
 
        But Dougie loves
                a PC scroll
        with Windows, DOS
                and ANS-net trolls
 
        What a crazy pair!
 
        But they're Guru's!
                Guru's 2 U
        Guru's all the way.
 
                They type alike,
                        They gripe alike,
                They mangle all their facts alike!
 
        Yes, it's flaming time...
                        
When Gu-ru's....
 
                Strike two of a kind!
 
 
 
destiny@crl.com         .         .      .    .       .           .      .
         .         .        .       Two captains.  One destiny .     .
               .     .          .           .         .    .      *     .
"It was fun."            .             .        .        .       .    .






From: destiny@crl.com (David Cassel)
Newsgroups: alt.aol-sucks
Subject: Re: AOLHELL
Date: 8 Jun 1995 06:50:24 -0700
Organization: CRL Dialup Internet Access	(415) 705-6060  [Login: guest]

winguru@slip.net wrote:
: [I] Just read in Newsweek about a program called AOL hell that does some  
                                                   AOHell
: biarre things to AOL software. Includind the ability to punt other users, 
                                 Including
: and a way to get ten hours for free, with out having to pay for it. Any 
                                       without
: clue as to where on the net this program can be had............

Hey Winguru, when you get that AOL account, I have a suggestion for a name:

 				Winguru2u


[Destiny laughs at his newsgroup in-joke, then walks off humming the theme
to the Patty Duke show.]


  destiny@crl.com   /\                   alt.aol-sucks FTP site
                  /    \        ftp://ftp.crl.com/users/ro/destiny/aol/
==============================================================================
               /__________\     Now featuring 400K year-end review!!!








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